『楼 主』:
暴笑口误2007贺岁版【转】
使用 LLM 解释/回答一下
1. 小时候放电视连续剧《神探亨特》和《流氓大亨》，院儿里一个老奶奶说：“今天晚上演《大流氓亨特》。”。。。。。。
2. 一不熟的同事和我聊天,聊的内容无聊至极,,净讲他和他女朋友怎么啦,怎么啦
我无言以对,,,,待他讲了半天之后,看着我,,,,意思可能是,他说这么多,我总该表表态吧,,,,
一瞬间,,实在不知说什么,,脱口竟然问了一句:你女朋友是女的吧?
自己暴寒半天!!!!
3. 初中时候老师讲古巴比伦文明的时候，讲到苏美尔人，历史老师一激动讲成“还有两河流域的舒而美人”，当场笑晕一大半
4. 一起买锅盔吃，某男的上前：老板，来两个钢盔！
（牙好，胃口就好，吃嘛嘛香。。。）
5. 高中时班上有个同学叫黄家健
某天上课没有到 老班进教室后见他座位空着
就问了一句：夷，黄家健 人呢？
全班大笑 以后都叫他黄家贱人。
6. 以前考试老师发卷子，后边的女生多拿了一张，高呼“老师，我有了，我有了”结果坐他旁边的男生说道“是我的，是我的”全班爆寒~~~
7. 两年前在厂里干,一天我跟我师父(其实就比我大1岁)去分厂办事,材料员是个四十多数的大姐,姓董.办完事,我师父十分有礼貌,想说:董姐,走了啊.结果说出来成了:“懂了啊.“
8. 还有一次，我去买早餐，排队时发现平时不苟言笑的老板也在排队，于是非常紧张，打过招呼后，鼓起勇气对厨师说：“师傅麻烦来一杯包子，两个奶子！”~
~~~~呜~~ 两年来第一次听老板笑那么大声~~~郁闷~~~
9. 朋友小孩半岁了，打电话去关心，寒暄了两句后，来了一句：你的小孩现在是吃人奶还是你的奶
10. 有一天傍晚，碰到个熟人，开口就说:“早啊“...
11. 晚上,一室友进屋大声宣布: “今天我看午夜版的美国凶铃了!“
12. 那天去买西瓜，听见有人在问卖瓜的：你的西瓜有皮吗？
13. 一农民在场院里晒麦子，几只鸡来啄食，农民扫，鸡挠，再扫再挠，忍无可忍，大骂：“你们这些坏东西，我挠挠，你扫扫，我挠挠，你扫扫。”
14. 一天去逛街，尿急，发现前方一网吧，冲进门去对着网管大喊：你们这个茅房的厕所在哪~？
15. 在食堂买饭,看到了心仪以久的豆腐皮,一激动和服务员说,来一份土豆皮,把周围人都惊呆了.
16. 由于一次出差机会，要去某地的中国银行维修设备，从宾馆出来做上出租车后对女司机说：“去中国银行、顺便找一家五金店买把刀”汗！当时我的意思是买把螺丝刀，我没注意到我说错了，这时那个女司机一直看着我非常委屈的说：“大哥我要下班了，你重新打辆车吧”。当时我就非常生气，恶狠狠的说：“你要下班了在宾馆泊什么车呀！？”女司机看了看我快要崩溃的说：“大哥那买完刀我不要车钱了你再找辆吧”晕！！！这才知道我说错了，赶紧解释了半天，现在想一想都感觉对不住人家女司机。
17. 政治老师有一次讲课的时候说：“下面我举个比方”，然后觉得不对，又说：“打个例子”
18. 记得《汉武大帝》里面
张骞从西域回来，带来的炼铁新材料
炼出来一柄好剑，刘彻拿来给李广
李广不停的重复：
陛下，好剑（贱），陛下，好剑（贱）阿 ……
无语……
19. 真是好驴当做心肝肺
20. 初中的时候，老师叫翻译Who is this man ?
一同学翻译：这是谁的男人？全班大笑，老师无语
21. 上次去麦当劳，对营业员说：来一包薯片，人家说没有。我说，什么店啊连薯片都没有，说完转身就走了。。。
22. 期中考试，偶后面的女生桌上有个裤子形状的笔袋，我一回头，笔袋掉了，我说：“MM你裤子掉了”
23. 记得路遇一犬，旁MM惊讶的大叫：呀，那个尾巴没有狗！！
23. 晒阳太屁股
24. 记得小时候去买玩具枪里装的圆形塑料子弹，直接对玩具店里的老爷爷说：买一包原(圆)子弹！
25. 同学向我解释如何拨打某查询电话。
我想问问那边接电话的是真人还是语音，竟说成了：“接电话的是活人还是死人呀？”
26. 拎着好多东西和gg在火车站找存包的地方。
迎面来一巡警，gg立刻上前很客气地问：“请问埋包处怎么走？”
27. 政治课时谈到中日政治问题，扯阿扯说到日本武士剖腹自杀。
老师介绍说：“日本武士死前都剖腹产的~~~”
28. 有一次找一位姓王的客户打电话,总机接电话的是一个声音很甜的MM,她告诉我他的分机号,我不知道我要找的这位姓王的是男是女,我就顺便问了一句“请问他是男先生还是女先生？”
29. 大学时期，我一同学刚买了手机，办了移动卡，打1860人工台询问，一时激动：请问你们的地感动带业务。。。，从免提中我们竟然听到话务员小姐客气的说：我们的地感动带业务。。。全宿舍暴笑
30. 大三那年十一我同学去卖鱼的商场打工。客人拿了挑好的鱼，我同学很温柔地指着杀鱼台对他说：
“你过去，有人会把你杀掉。。。”
31. 昨天有个人说要给我介绍一个女朋友，我本来想问“漂亮吗”，结果说成“便宜吗”。汗死自己！
32. 老师嘱咐我们：“春游坐车时老实点，别总把头和胳膊扔出去。。。”
33. 我老公特别瘦，有次我急了就说道“老公，看你瘦的象猪似的！”
34. 有一天去天津比较出名的大桥道食品店买吃的。差不多每次都要买老婆饼吃吃！结果那天我看到新出了一种稍微小一号的饼，样子基本一致，可是我不确定，于是向售货员阿姨发问：“这个是小老婆饼吗？？”
结果全场白眼
35. 表姐家开幼儿园，有一次她有急事，要我去帮她照顾那些小孩1小时，做游戏讲故事什么的。头一次面对十多个小孩，太紧张了，舌头打结：“小朋友，今天阿姨给你们讲一个“阿拉灯”的故事（阿拉丁和神灯）………”
36.
凹出来
凸进去....
37.
播音稿原文：两歹徒打伤我110干警后逃窜
播音员读成：两歹徒打伤我一百一十名干警后逃窜
（黄飞鸿转世？？！）
38.
我上高中的时候和我弟弟一个班，他就坐在我后面
一天晚上我们地理老师问我们：
你们谁是姐姐？谁是弟弟？
当时我就呆掉了
39.
一次买凉皮回宿舍后，去别的宿舍溜了一圈，回来发现舍友在吃我的凉皮。
她们见我回来，其中一人对我说：你怎么才回来？凉皮都凉了！
40.
那天想喝汽水，赶几步朝冷饮摊想说来瓶汽水，不料看见跟前放着的啤酒，一急竟说：“老板，来一瓶屁水”，老板………………
41.
刚才一同事看报纸问了句“昨天中国队一比几赢的？”
中国就一了，新加坡怎么也出不来负数吧
42. 以前红白机上有个游戏叫《荒野大镖客》，偶们一般都叫它《荒野大嫖客》
43. 有个解说员：冲出亚洲、冲出世界！
44. 有一次,我和老公吵架，他骂我：“猪！”我骂他：“你是猪的老公。。。”骂完真觉得自己是猪。
45. 我们一个同事,他去考驾照时,对考官说了一句经典的话:
报告仪表,,考官正常~~~~~~
46. 记得有一次，和一姐们儿去KFC,排队的时候我听她口中念念有词，一个鸡腿汉堡，一对鸡翅......，好不容易轮到她了，一开口就笑翻了所有人，她本想说“小姐，来个鸡腿汉堡”，可话到口中竟成了“小腿，来个汉堡”
47. 大学同学在森林公园聚会，时间到了大家准备开饭，俩男生自告奋勇去小卖部买啤酒。班长想提醒他们买啤酒买易拉罐的，可能由于刚才一直在聊国际时事，班长站起来喊：“啤酒要伊拉克的啊~~~”
我们全倒了，俩男生疯了。。。
48. MM告诉我肯德基新出的“骨肉相连”（肉串有脆骨），要我带她去吃，那几天北京巨热无比，我昏昏沉沉，到了餐厅，我对微笑的肯德基小姐来了句：请给我两个“血肉模糊”，谢谢！.............
无地自容-_-！
49. 一次，我同学询问我另一个同学在医院住哪一科，我记不清了，觉得又像是内科又像是针灸科，结果就说她是“内疚科”的。
50.
一男生看到舅舅：“买舅啊，二菜！”
舅舅：“这孩子，这么大话了，连人都不会说！”
51.
我在学校入团时，当时只有我和另一个女生(属于惨不忍睹的那种)，我们的团支书主持的时候毫不犹豫就说：“今天是两位同学大喜的日子……”其余同学笑得前仰后合。
52.
一个很腼腆的男同学去食堂打早饭，窗口里那师傅问他：“要点儿什么？”他低着头说：“我要……我要……一个包子和一个包子。”那师傅盯了他半天，问：“你要什么呢？再说一遍！”“我要一个包子和一个包子……哦。不！一个包子和一个面包！”
53. 上大学时，一同学和我争论问题，一时处于下风，情急中一拍桌子起身大叫：“你胡说，我又不是不傻！”
54. 一次我妹妹给我介绍一支曲子，她说叫《少女的衬裤》，我心下诧异，拿过CD一看，是《少女的祈祷》……
55. 小学老师在公开课之前“抚慰”我们紧张的心情，说：“大家不用紧张，进了课堂不要东张西望，台下坐的还不都是人，不都是长着两个鼻子、一个眼睛嘛！”
56.
英语课，老师：“good morning，teacher！”
学生：“good morning，student！”
全班哄堂大笑。
57. 一个同学往他的朋友家打电话，对方的爷爷接的，那同学不知道在想什么，张嘴就是：“爷爷，我是奶奶……”突然觉得不对，哐一下就把电话挂了……
58. 我和妹妹小时候在家玩，她假装一个侠女，很警觉地竖着耳朵听听外面，然后一脸警惕地跟我说：“哎，不对大头啊！”
59. 平时工作一直很忙，情人节，下班比较晚，急匆匆的去买花，老婆在家做饭等我，打来电话，问我什么时候回家，我骗老婆说，还要很久，听到她不是很高兴的挂了电话，我心说，给你个惊喜……，买了花，又匆忙去买巧克力，又匆忙去打车，很久打不到，终于找到车，到家，匆忙上楼，悄悄开门，看到老婆在厨房，心里一阵温暖，一下，蹦过去，举起花，有些颤抖且深情的跟老婆说……
……圣诞快乐！！！！！！
60. 唉，看完这帖子又把键盘都喷到水里了。。。
1. When I was a child, I watched the TV series "Hunter" and "The Family Link" on TV. An old granny in the courtyard said, "Tonight they are going to play 'Big Rascal Hunter'."......
2. A colleague I wasn't familiar with was chatting with me, and the content was extremely boring, just talking about how he and his girlfriend were, how they were... I had nothing to say,,,,, After he talked for a long time, he looked at me,,,,, Maybe he meant that I should express my opinion after he said so,,,,, For a moment,, I really didn't know what to say, and blurted out a sentence: Is your girlfriend a woman? I was really ashamed for a long time!!!!
3. When the history teacher was talking about the ancient Babylonian civilization in junior high school, when he讲到 the Sumerians, he excitedly said "and the Shuer people in the two rivers region", and most of the class burst into laughter on the spot
4. We went to buy guokui (a kind of pancake) to eat. A certain man went up to the boss: "Boss, two steel helmets!"
(Good teeth, good appetite, eat everything with relish... )
5. There was a classmate named Huang Jiajian in high school. One day he didn't come to class. After the head teacher entered the classroom and saw his seat empty, he asked: "Yi, Huang Jiajian, where is he?" The whole class laughed, and later they all called him "Huang Jiajian the Jerk".
6. Once when the teacher was distributing papers in an exam, the girl behind took one more paper and shouted "Teacher, I have it, I have it" Then the boy sitting next to her said "It's mine, it's mine" The whole class was extremely embarrassed~~~
7. Two years ago, I was working in the factory. One day I went to the branch factory to handle things with my master (actually just one year older than me). The material clerk was a sister in her forties, surnamed Dong. After handling the things, my master was very polite and wanted to say: "Sister Dong, let's go." But it came out as: "Understood."
8. Another time, I went to buy breakfast. When I was in the queue, I found that the usually serious boss was also in the queue, so I was very nervous. After greeting him, I mustered up the courage to say to the cook: "Master, please give me a cup of buns, two breasts!"~
~~~~Wu~~ The first time in two years I heard the boss laugh so loudly~~~ Depressed~~~
9. A friend's child was half a year old. I called to show concern. After exchanging a few pleasantries, I said: "Does your child now drink mother's milk or your milk"
10. One evening, I met an acquaintance and blurted out: "Good morning"...
11. At night, a roommate entered the room and announced loudly: "Today I watched the midnight version of The Ring!"
12. That day I went to buy watermelons and heard someone asking the watermelon seller: Does your watermelon have a rind?
13. A farmer was drying wheat in the yard. Several chickens came to peck at the food. The farmer swept, the chickens scratched. He swept again and they scratched again. He couldn't bear it anymore and cursed: "You bad things, I scratch, you sweep, I scratch, you sweep."
14. One day I went shopping and had to urinate urgently. I saw an internet cafe ahead and rushed in shouting at the internet cafe manager: Where is the toilet in your toilet?
15. When buying food in the cafeteria, I saw the bean curd skin I had long admired. In excitement, I said to the waiter: Give me a portion of potato skin, which surprised everyone around.
16. Due to a business trip opportunity, I had to go to the Bank of China in a certain place to repair equipment. After coming out of the hotel and getting into a taxi, I said to the female driver: "Go to the Bank of China, and by the way find a hardware store to buy a knife" Sweat! At that time, I meant to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice I said it wrong. Then the female driver kept looking at me very wronged and said: "Brother, I'm off work. You take another taxi." At that time I was very angry and said fiercely: "You're off work, why did you park the car at the hotel!?" The female driver looked at me and was about to collapse and said: "Brother, I won't charge you for the car after buying the knife. You find another one." Wow! Then I realized I said it wrong and quickly explained for a long time. Now thinking about it, I really feel sorry for that female driver.
17. Once the political teacher was giving a lecture and said: "Next I will give an example", then he felt it was wrong and said: "Make an example"
18. I remember in Han Wu Da Di (The Emperor Han Wu),
After Zhang Qian came back from the Western Regions, he brought new iron-making materials
He炼 out a good sword, and Emperor Wu of Han gave it to Li Guang
Li Guang kept repeating:
Your Majesty, good sword (jian), Your Majesty, good sword (jian) Ah ……
Speechless……
19. Really a good donkey is regarded as heart, liver and lungs
20. When I was in junior high school, the teacher asked to translate Who is this man?
A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed, and the teacher was speechless
21. Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the clerk: Give me a pack of potato chips. He said they didn't have any. I said, What kind of store doesn't even have potato chips, then turned around and left...
22. In the mid-term exam, there was a pen bag in the shape of pants on the desk of the girl behind me. When I turned my head, the pen bag fell, and I said: "MM, your pants are down"
23. I remember encountering a dog on the road, and the girl next to me exclaimed in surprise: Ya, that tail doesn't have a dog!!
23. Sunbathing the buttocks
24. I remember when I was a child, I went to buy the round plastic bullets for the toy gun. I directly said to the old grandpa in the toy store: Buy a pack of original (round) bullets!
25. A classmate was explaining how to dial a certain inquiry number to me.
I wanted to ask if the person answering the phone was a real person or a voice, but I said it as: "Is the person answering the phone a living person or a dead person?"
26. Carrying a lot of things and my gg were looking for a luggage storage place at the train station.
An approaching policeman, my gg immediately stepped forward and asked very politely: "Excuse me, where is the burying bag place?"
27. During a political class, when talking about Sino-Japanese political issues, it dragged on and on to the samurai's seppuku in Japan.
The teacher introduced: "Japanese samurais all had caesarean sections before death~~~"
28. Once I called a client surnamed Wang. The operator who answered the call was a sweet-voiced MM. She told me his extension number. I didn't know whether the client surnamed Wang was male or female, so I casually asked: "Excuse me, is he Mr. Male or Ms. Female?"
29. During college, a classmate of mine just bought a mobile phone and activated a China Mobile card. He called 1860 customer service to inquire. In excitement, he said: "Excuse me, your local mobile band service..." From the speakerphone, we actually heard the operator小姐 politely say: Our local mobile band service... The whole dormitory burst into laughter
30. In the third year of college, my classmate went to work in a fish-selling mall during National Day. The customer picked out the fish he wanted. My classmate very gently pointed at the fish-killing platform and said to him:
"You go over, someone will kill you..."
31. Yesterday someone said he was going to introduce a girlfriend to me. I本来 wanted to ask "Is she beautiful", but I said "Is she cheap". Sweat myself!
32. The teacher instructed us: "Be honest when taking the bus for the spring outing, don't always throw your head and arms out..."
33. My husband is特别 thin. Once I got angry and said: "Husband, look how thin you are, like a pig!"
34. One day I went to buy food at the famous Daqiaodao Food Store in Tianjin. Almost every time I had to buy wife cakes to eat! That day I saw a slightly smaller cake that looked basically the same. But I wasn't sure, so I asked the sales aunt: "Is this a small wife cake??"
As a result, the whole place gave me white eyes
35. My cousin's family runs a kindergarten. Once she had an urgent matter and asked me to help her take care of those children for 1 hour, playing games and telling stories and so on. It was my first time facing more than a dozen children, so I was too nervous and my tongue tied: "Children, today aunt will tell you a story of 'Aladdin' (Aladdin and the Magic Lamp)………”
36.
Concave out
Convex in....
37.
Original broadcast script: Two gangsters injured our 110 police officers and then fled
The announcer read it as: Two gangsters injured 110 police officers and then fled
(Descendant of Huang Feihong??!)
38.
When I was in high school, I was in the same class as my younger brother, and he sat behind me
One night our geography teacher asked us:
Who is the sister? Who is the brother?
I was stunned at that time
39.
Once I bought cold noodles back to the dormitory and went to other dorms for a walk. When I came back, I found my roommates were eating my cold noodles.
When they saw me come back, one of them said to me: Why did you just come back? The cold noodles are all cold!
40.
That day I wanted to drink soda. I hurried to the cold drink stall and wanted to say to buy a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw beer in front of me. In a hurry, I said: "Boss, give me a bottle of fart water" The boss………………
41.
Just now a colleague asked while reading the newspaper "What was the score of China's win yesterday, 1 to how much?"
China only had 1, Singapore couldn't be negative either
42. There was a game on the Famicom called Red Dead Revolver, and we usually called it Red Dead Pimp Revolver
43. There was a commentator: Break out of Asia, break out of the world!
44. Once, I quarreled with my husband. He called me: "Pig!" I called him: "You are the husband of a pig... " After scolding, I really felt like a pig.
45. One of our colleagues, when he took the driver's license exam, said a classic sentence to the examiner:
Report the instrument, the examiner is normal~~~~~~
46. I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister. When queuing, I heard her muttering, a chicken leg burger, a pair of chicken wings...... Finally it was her turn. As soon as she spoke, everyone laughed out loud. She originally wanted to say "Miss, give me a chicken leg burger", but the words came out as "Little leg, give me a burger"
47. College classmates had a gathering in the forest park. When it was time to eat, two boys volunteered to go to the grocery store to buy beer. The monitor wanted to remind them to buy canned beer. Maybe because they had been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted: "The beer should be Iraqi~~~"
We all fell down, and the two boys went crazy...
48. MM told me that KFC had a new "bone and flesh connected" (the meat skewer has crisp bones). She wanted me to take her to eat it. Those days it was extremely hot in Beijing. I was dizzy. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC小姐: Please give me two "bloody and mushy", thank you!.............
Ashamed to the core-_-!
49. Once, my classmate asked me which department another classmate was in the hospital. I couldn't remember clearly. I thought it was like both internal medicine and acupuncture department, so I said she was in the "guilt department".
50.
A boy saw his uncle: "Buy uncle, two dishes!"
Uncle: "This child, you're so big, you can't even speak properly!"
51.
When I joined the Communist Youth League in school, there were only me and another girl (who was really bad-looking). When our league secretary was hosting, he didn't hesitate to say: "Today is a happy day for the two classmates……" The other classmates laughed heartily.
52.
A very shy male classmate went to the cafeteria to buy breakfast. The master in the window asked him: "What do you want?" He lowered his head and said: "I want……I want……one bun and one bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked: "What do you want? Say it again!" "I want one bun and one bun……Oh. No! One bun and one bread!"
53. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me about a question and was at a disadvantage for a while. In a hurry, he slapped the table and stood up and shouted: "You're talking nonsense, I'm not stupid!"
54. Once my sister introduced a piece of music to me. She said it was called "The Maiden's Panties", and I was surprised. I took the CD and saw it was "The Maiden's Prayer"……
55. The primary school teacher "comforted" our nervous mood before the open class and said: "Everyone don't be nervous. Don't look around when you enter the classroom. The people sitting台下 are all people, all with two noses and one eye!"
56.
English class, teacher: "good morning, teacher!"
Student: "good morning, student!"
The whole class burst into laughter.
57. A classmate called his friend's house. The friend's grandpa answered. The classmate didn't know what he was thinking and blurted out: "Grandpa, I'm grandma……" Suddenly he realized it was wrong and hung up the phone with a thud……
58. My sister and I were playing at home when we were young. She pretended to be a knight-errant, very alertly listening to the outside with her ears up, then looked at me with a vigilant face and said: "Hey, something's wrong, big head!"
59. I have been very busy at work all the time. On Valentine's Day, I got off work relatively late. I hurried to buy flowers. My wife was cooking at home waiting for me. She called and asked me when I would be home. I lied to my wife that it would take a long time. I heard she hung up not very happily. I thought to myself, give you a surprise…… I bought flowers, then hurriedly went to buy chocolate, then hurriedly went to hail a taxi. It took a long time to hail one. Finally found a car, arrived home, hurriedly went up the stairs, quietly opened the door, saw my wife in the kitchen, my heart was warm for a moment, all of a sudden, I jumped over, raised the flowers, and said to my wife with some trembling and affectionately……
……Merry Christmas!!!!!
60. Alas, after reading this post, I sprayed the keyboard into the water again...
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