China DOS Union

Super Net Bug's Draft Divorce Agreement
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http://tech.tom.com　 October 28, 2002Source: Southern Net
Lili:


For the sake of our respective futures, and for the sake of the next generation, in the spirit of mutual benefit, I think our property should be divided as follows when we divorce:

1. All bank account numbers and passwords go to you! I only want the Internet account number and password;
　　2. The big color TV goes to you; I only want the little color monitor;
　　3. The piano goes to you; I only want that keyboard that can only make monotone sounds.
　　4. All the remote controls for the household appliances go to you; I only want that optical mouse;
　　5. The wardrobe goes to you; I only want my computer case;
　　6. The DVD goes to you; I only want the CD-ROM drive;
　　7. The tape recorder goes to you; I only want that clattering floppy drive;
　　8. All the 24K jewelry goes to you; I only want that 10G hard disk;
　　9. The amplifier and audio/video equipment go to you; I only want that tiny speaker box;
　　10. The mobile phone goes to you; I only want that telephone line.
　　11. The camera goes to you; I only want the scanner;
　　12. That ancestral pen goes to you; I only want the printer;
　　13. The lively and lovely Pekingese goes to you; I only want that 56K modem;
　　14. The genuine leather sofa goes to you; I only want that computer chair that wobbles when you sit on it;
　　15. All the tables and chairs go to you; I only want my computer desk that I never clean up;
　　16. The carpet goes to you; I only want the mouse pad.
　　If you agree to the above, then we'll draw up an agreement.

Mengmeng　2002 xx month xx day

Ten Things You Must Have When Meeting an Online Friend
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http://tech.tom.com　 October 23, 2002Source: Southern Net
1. A Bible or a magic talisman: has the miraculous effect of subduing demons and monsters, and ensuring you make it back with your whole body intact!
　　2. A canister of oxygen: to avoid passing out from oxygen deprivation after seeing what your online friend looks like, and then being brutally ravaged!
　　3. A mobile phone: if you see poisonous snakes or wild beasts, you must report it to 119 to have them captured and killed, so they won't endanger society!
　　4. A monocular camera: if you discover a protected species, you must photograph it so future generations can be on guard!
　　5. Dark sunglasses: when you see something harmful to the eyes, you can close your eyes without being noticed!
　　6. Leather shoes with heels: if you see a monster, you can use them as defensive weapons for self-protection!
　　7. A wristwatch: if things don't look right, pretend to check the time and claim you have something to do and must leave first!
　　8. A motorcycle: a required light escape vehicle; absolutely do not drive some clumsy car and ask for trouble!
　　9. A friend or best buddy: good things should be shared with good friends, and bad things should be resisted together with good friends!
　　10. Dichasi: if you see the situation is hopeless, drink pesticide and kill yourself to preserve your purity!

The Big-Shot Version of a Newbie Building a PC
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http://tech.tom.com　 Source: Zhongguancun Online

You have to pick the best CPU
　　A Pentium 4 only counts as average
　　If you're building it, every part has to be top grade
　　No integrated stuff
　　Memory has to be at least 1G
　　Stuff like a DVD burner, GeForce4 Ti, 200G hard disk RAID
　　If it can be connected, hook it all up
　　The case has to be gold-plated, with a row of cooling fans inside
　　Install a DEBUG chip on the motherboard
　　With a real human voice, the super-sensitive kind
　　As soon as a component is plugged in, whether there's a problem or not, it has to speak:
　　Your PC is very NB, sir.
　　In authentic Oxford accent
　　Super classy!
　　Then stick in another super video card on the motherboard
　　Using nVIDIA's newest chip
　　Just upgrades alone in a year will cost tens of thousands of RMB
　　And add a high-power UPS
　　Run it 24 hours a day
　　One word------ expensive!
　　Just changing a mouse costs eight or ten thousand
　　The net friends around you are all using either 21-inch LCDs or Audigy sound cards
　　If you're using a Pentium 3
　　You're too embarrassed to even tell people
　　Tell me, for a computer like this, how much would one unit cost?
　　I think no matter what it'd have to be 20,000 RMB
　　20,000 RMB? That's the cost!
　　Starts at 25,000 RMB!
　　Don't think it's expensive, and no discount either
　　You have to study the shopping psychology of newbies building PCs
　　People willing to spend 20,000 on building a PC
　　Don't care at all about spending another 5,000
　　What is a newbie, do you know what a DIYer is?
　　A newbie, a DIYer, no matter what component they buy
　　They buy the most expensive, not the best
　　So our profiteer slogan is:
　　We don't sell the best, only the most expensive

Lili would definitely agree...