China DOS Union

Funny Metaphors for Men and Women Through Computer Software
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http://tech.tom.com　 October 18, 2002Source: PConline
The DOS operating system is like the motherly type of woman. Though monotonous and boring, it is stable and practical, and most importantly, men really can't do without her.


The WINDOWS operating system is like a woman full of charm, intelligence, virtue, and wisdom. The screen looks nice, the design is user-friendly, and its functionality is stronger than DOS. Sometimes it even has a bit of humor. It's just a pity that many men lack self-confidence. When they meet a WINDOWS-type woman, they only dare admire her, not boldly move forward. In the end they still choose the DOS-type woman, because it's reassuring to keep her at home.

Browser software is like a woman who plays around in the world of love, leading honest men into a virtual world of romance—rich, interesting, and so captivating that one forgets to leave. When an honest man meets a browser-software woman, in the end all he is left with is a spring dream and a whole string of whys.

Big patches are like women who do everything they can to cater to men, providing all kinds of functions men need, while the men only have to pay a very small cost (for example, a few casually spoken words of thanks, or a kiss taken purely to gain advantage), and they will keep giving without complaint. The final result may be that this man can never leave big patches, or it may be that he is still willing to spend a hundred times the cost to pursue a正版软件 woman.

Ten Moments on the Internet
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http://tech.tom.com　 October 18, 2002Source: PConline
In my dazed wanderings online, there have been too many things worth writing down to list them all. Thinking that even our ancestors, back when they were still in their pre-human stage of evolution, used knotted cords to preserve memories, I, as a creature of the Internet, naturally choose bytes as keepsakes. So I have condensed these years of sinking into the Net into ten turning-point moments, rather like what the cultured people of ancient times said: "Ten years, and I wake from a Yangzhou dream, having won only a thin, heartless name in the pleasure quarters."


The first moment: In my first year online, I exchanged phone numbers with a girl I had known for a long time in a chat room. The instant the call connected, an unexpected man's voice came through. From then on I knew that gender on the Internet was unreliable.

The second moment: I received an email with the subject line: "I am your friend," with an attachment named "Wish you happiness." I clicked the attachment, and my machine died painfully in the middle of the virus attack. From then on I knew that flowers from strangers might be hiding terrifying bombs.

The third moment: My mailbox password was cracked by a so-called hacker. After frantically looking up materials on how mailbox cracking works, and after seriously studying and using a great many hacker tools, I wiped off my cold sweat, changed all my passwords, and stopped using idiotic things like 111111 as a password.

The fourth moment: When I first went to a forum, I got into an argument with someone. I didn't expect that person to be very close to the admin, who directly banned my ID, leaving me able only to watch others curse at me without being able to fight back. So I understood that there is no true equality on the Internet.

The fifth moment: I became a moderator. After deleting some posts with irrelevant topics, someone bombed the forum into paralysis by madly posting more and more. Facing the devastation before my eyes, I stood there like Bush in front of the ruins of the World Trade Center, and understood that a moderator should not wield the knife lightly, just as the powerful should not casually bully the weak.

The sixth moment: I joked with a young woman, and she was extremely angry, thinking I did not respect her gender and appearance, and gave me a thorough scolding. I thought that some people really do care a lot about online gender.

The seventh moment: The posts I wrote were reposted everywhere. A friend told me I could ask for稿费. I tried it, and sure enough it worked. So bytes really can turn into shiny silver, and the feeling can only be summed up as "pie falling from the sky."

The eighth moment: By chance I saw my own detailed personal information on a website. It turned out that when I registered I had been far too serious, while the site lacked the business ethics to protect user privacy. From then on, I rarely dared use real information when registering, so as not to unknowingly end up doing another naked run on the Internet.

The ninth moment: I needed to write a very large research report and needed a lot of data to support it, so I asked for help from online friends I knew but had never met. Unexpectedly, it worked, and I realized the power of the Internet.

The tenth moment: After five years online, I was finally mocked by some netizens in their early twenties as an Internet antique. Looking back over the road I had come, I suddenly discovered that the intertwining of the virtual and the real had already changed real life, and so I came to believe that the Internet is not virtual.

The speed of the Internet's development really is fiercer than an old house on fire. It's hard to imagine: when I reach my tenth anniversary online, what ten moments will there be worth commemorating?

Which Is Better, Cars or Computers?
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http://tech.tom.com　 October 18, 2002Source: PConline
At a COMDEX exhibition, Microsoft president Bill Gates compared the rate of development in the computer industry and the automobile industry in a speech, and said: if General Motors' technology had developed the way computer technology has, then today we should be able to buy a car for 25 dollars that gets a thousand miles on one gallon of fuel.


As soon as Gates said this, he immediately violated a major taboo of General Motors, and GM fired back: if General Motors developed technology the way Microsoft does, then the cars we drive now would have the following characteristics:

1. Your car might break down twice a day for no reason at all.

2. Every time lane lines were repainted on a road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Sometimes your car would mysteriously stall on the highway, and you would have to unconditionally ACCEPT, then RESTART.

4. After you bought a "Sedan 98" or a "Sedan NT," unfortunately, the car could only seat one person, and you'd have to buy another seat for someone else.

5. Cars made by Macintosh would be more reliable, cheaper, faster, and easier to drive, but could only be driven on 5% of the roads.

6. The fuel gauge, water temperature, and all other warning lights would be replaced by a single "GENRALCARDEFAULT" warning light.

7. The seats would require everyone's backside to be the same size.

8. Before the airbag popped out, it would ask "ARE YOU SURE?" and require your confirmation.

9. Sometimes your car would suddenly "SHUTDOWN" while making a left turn, and you'd have to REINSTALL the engine.

10. Sometimes your car would lock the doors, leaving you unable to get in, and you'd have to keep pulling the handle and jabbing with the key until the door finally opened.

11. General Motors would require every car buyer, whether needed or not, to also buy a deluxe set of Rand McNally (a GM subsidiary) road maps. Trying to cancel this option would cause the car's performance to drop by 50%. In addition, General Motors would be investigated by the Department of Justice for this.

12. Every time General Motors brought out a new model, you'd have to relearn how to drive, because the new way of driving would be completely different from the old one.

13. Finally, you would have to press the "START" button before you could turn off the engine.

They're all experts...