Reasons for finding yourself a male confidant
First: what is a confidant for? Answer: for setting up. Any prank or nasty trick you can think of can be tested on him first, to see what kind of explosive effect it has. And afterward, order him not to get mad!
Second: his smelly clothes, smelly socks, and smelly sneakers have absolutely nothing to do with you! But his good magazines, good CDs, and good discs are all automatically added to the list of things you can requisition.
Third: a ready-made bucket for pouring out your grievances + an emotional advice machine. Any relationship question you don’t understand or are too embarrassed to ask about, just dump it all on him! Of course he should take it upon himself to solve it!
Fourth: in front of him you can go completely without makeup, which saves a huge amount of money! And you can even glorify it by saying: I’m facing him with my truest self. But if he doesn’t give you cosmetics from time to time, you can righteously question him: “How do you expect me to be your beauty confidante!”
Fifth: what if you buy too many things and can’t carry them? Answer: find your confidant! He can help you solve the following problems at any time: an empty gas cylinder, a clogged drain, a burst light bulb... In short, he is an all-purpose repairman plus hourly worker! And quality guaranteed, free of charge, and on call whenever needed.
Sixth: the number one sucker under heaven is him! You can openly demand that he treat you to a meal, whether it’s a French feast or a roadside food stall, and you don’t even have to care about maintaining any ladylike image at all!
Seventh: want gifts? Just remind him now and then that today is Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, Halloween, the Feast of the Assumption, or April Fool’s Day. If he deliberately plays dumb, you can always call him at three in the morning and complain to him about how crowded the subway was today and how awful you feel.
Eighth: want a broad shoulder to lean on when watching a movie? Find him. Feeling itchy and want to hit someone? Find him. Your family is forcing you on a blind date? Still find him.
Ninth: set him up as a superman who can solve every difficult and complicated problem, for example, helping you translate an English thesis, buying concert tickets for you, taking your pet to the vet, house-sitting while you’re away on a business trip, and picking you up at the airport when you get back.
Tenth: what if your maternal instincts kick in? Find him. You can happily pick out lots of clothes for him and dress him up over and over like a Barbie doll. You can also grab his face and tug it around however you like.
Of course, a male confidant like the one described above is really hard to find. If there really is such a person, then you’re too lucky. At the very least, if you can’t get married off, he can at least team up with you and live together, if he’s single.
First: what is a confidant for? Answer: for setting up. Any prank or nasty trick you can think of can be tested on him first, to see what kind of explosive effect it has. And afterward, order him not to get mad!
Second: his smelly clothes, smelly socks, and smelly sneakers have absolutely nothing to do with you! But his good magazines, good CDs, and good discs are all automatically added to the list of things you can requisition.
Third: a ready-made bucket for pouring out your grievances + an emotional advice machine. Any relationship question you don’t understand or are too embarrassed to ask about, just dump it all on him! Of course he should take it upon himself to solve it!
Fourth: in front of him you can go completely without makeup, which saves a huge amount of money! And you can even glorify it by saying: I’m facing him with my truest self. But if he doesn’t give you cosmetics from time to time, you can righteously question him: “How do you expect me to be your beauty confidante!”
Fifth: what if you buy too many things and can’t carry them? Answer: find your confidant! He can help you solve the following problems at any time: an empty gas cylinder, a clogged drain, a burst light bulb... In short, he is an all-purpose repairman plus hourly worker! And quality guaranteed, free of charge, and on call whenever needed.
Sixth: the number one sucker under heaven is him! You can openly demand that he treat you to a meal, whether it’s a French feast or a roadside food stall, and you don’t even have to care about maintaining any ladylike image at all!
Seventh: want gifts? Just remind him now and then that today is Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, Halloween, the Feast of the Assumption, or April Fool’s Day. If he deliberately plays dumb, you can always call him at three in the morning and complain to him about how crowded the subway was today and how awful you feel.
Eighth: want a broad shoulder to lean on when watching a movie? Find him. Feeling itchy and want to hit someone? Find him. Your family is forcing you on a blind date? Still find him.
Ninth: set him up as a superman who can solve every difficult and complicated problem, for example, helping you translate an English thesis, buying concert tickets for you, taking your pet to the vet, house-sitting while you’re away on a business trip, and picking you up at the airport when you get back.
Tenth: what if your maternal instincts kick in? Find him. You can happily pick out lots of clothes for him and dress him up over and over like a Barbie doll. You can also grab his face and tug it around however you like.
Of course, a male confidant like the one described above is really hard to find. If there really is such a person, then you’re too lucky. At the very least, if you can’t get married off, he can at least team up with you and live together, if he’s single.




