China DOS Union

Melee in the Bathhouse
Southern Metropolis Daily
　　In the mid-1970s, bathhouses were rather crude. Next to the men's bathhouse was the women's bathhouse. For ventilation or some other reason, the dividing wall did not go all the way up to the ceiling, so if people on this side spoke a little loudly, those on the other side could hear it clearly. In the middle of the men's bathhouse was a large communal pool that could hold dozens of people, filled with hot water up to waist level. Along one wall was a row of more than ten shower taps for people to rinse off after soaking.
　　
　　One day, two men bathing there got into a fierce argument under the taps—it turned out Old Li had mistakenly used Old Zhang's soap. Using someone else's soap once would not normally be a big deal, but the key was that Old Zhang and Old Li had an old grudge, so they started hurling insults at each other. Several coworkers who were bathing heard the commotion and tried to break it up, but some people nearby egged them on gleefully: “The east wind blows, the war drums pound! Let's see who really is afraid of whom?”
　　
　　“You embezzler! What are you so cocky about?” Old Zhang directly exposed Old Li. “Your wife is a slut! Who doesn't know that?” Old Li gave no ground. “Who are you talking about? Say that one more time if you dare!” Then came a smack, and the two started throwing punches and kicks, then both rolled onto the ground. Some of their coworkers gathered around to break up the fight.
　
　　Suddenly, there came a shrill female scream, drawn out like Peking opera: “You bastard Li! Son of a bitch! If I'm a slut, did I sleep with your father?!” It turned out that Old Zhang's wife, Xiao Jiang, was bathing in the women's bathhouse at the time. Hearing through the wall that her husband had gotten into a fight with Old Li, and fearing her husband would come out on the losing end, she rushed over in desperation to help, carrying a pair of wooden slippers. She had hastily thrown on a big undershirt, but all the men on this side were completely naked, so one after another they all jumped into the bath pool like dumplings dropping into boiling water, crouching in the water and not daring to make a sound. It was a pitiful sight.
　　
　　Under the taps, steam billowed. The three of them were tangled up in one big brawl, with cries of pain, cursing, and slapping sounds all mixing together. It was quite a scene. In the end, it took two bathhouse attendants rushing in before they could finally pull them apart.
　　
　　Old Zhang was hurt more seriously, while Old Li, aside from one patch of scalded skin on his waist, was otherwise fine. The most ridiculous part was that after examination, the doctor confirmed that the injuries on Old Zhang's body and head had all been caused by wooden slippers!
　　
　　Later, someone asked Xiao Jiang why she had beaten her own husband. She said bitterly, “When I charged into the men's bathhouse, I was nervous too, and the place was full of steam. The two of them were both naked, so I couldn't tell them apart. I knew my Old Zhang wasn't as strong as that Li fellow, so I assumed the one underneath was Old Zhang. And that Li fellow kept crying out in pain, so I thought I was hitting him!” Someone else asked Old Li, “Xiao Jiang was hitting Old Zhang on top, so why were you yelling?” Old Li said, “They were both pinning me down underneath, and my waist was pressed against a hot water pipe. It was scalding so badly I couldn't stand it, that's why I was yelling!”

Haha, that's really hilarious!

Did this really happen?

Sounds like a xiangsheng skit.

Hilarious, really interesting. Who came up with this?