The bar where we first met. How many nights we spent here, how many wonderful memories we had. Whenever I think of those warm scenes that seem as if they only happened yesterday, I can’t help laughing out loud.
But today, my heart is heavy, deeply depressed. I don’t know what this news means to me, to you, to us. I long for it so much, yet I’m also afraid. I’m sweating all over, feeling thirsty and wanting to vomit at the same time. Time passes second by second, and every tick of the second hand grates on my nerves. Why aren’t you here yet?
You came, carrying that charming smile I know so well. Seeing that what was in front of me was not the usual red wine but a glass of water, you seemed to pause for a moment. You casually waved over the waiter, ordered a glass of water, then stared at me. Still that gaze that makes me lose my senses. But I told myself, I have to tell you. But how am I supposed to say it? This is my first time. Still, I have to tell you. After all, this concerns both of us. I forced myself to avoid your gaze and lowered my head. I felt my face burning. I took a sip of water to calm myself a little, raised my head, and saw that you were just picking up your glass.
“I’m pregnant,” I said softly.
“What?” You almost sprayed the water in your mouth all over me, then burst out laughing. It wasn’t happy laughter, but mocking laughter, scornful laughter. You looked at me sarcastically. “How do you know it’s...”
My heart went cold. I never thought you would say that. All at once I thought of the scene from If We’re Divorced, Don’t Come Looking for Me, when Zhang Yan told that man she was pregnant, and he said the same thing. I never thought you would say it too.
“What do you mean? If it’s not ours, whose would it be? In this past year, other than you, who else have I been with? About my old friends, didn’t you say you didn’t mind? Why would you say something like that at a time like this?” I questioned you in a low voice. My heart hurt, hurt terribly.
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, how do you know you’re pregnant?” You were actually still laughing.
“How could I not know? These past two days I’ve felt nauseous every day, wanted to throw up. My appetite has also been especially good, and, and I feel like my belly has gotten bigger too.” The more I spoke, the lower my voice became. It was really embarrassing to say it, but I had no choice.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” You were still laughing, but there was already impatience in your tone.
“What do you mean ridiculous? Who jokes about this? What am I supposed to do? If my dad finds out, he’ll beat me to death for sure.” Just mentioning my dad made me start trembling. I could almost foresee the tragedy. Rather than be beaten to death by him, I might as well kill myself. That’s what I told myself.
“That’s enough. I’ve played along with you long enough, stop fooling around!” You actually said that to me? My heart dropped straight to freezing point. If ten-odd minutes earlier I had still pinned a shred of hope on you, now I was completely in despair.
“Then at least you can go with me to have the baby aborted, right? That request isn’t too much, is it? After all, this concerns both of us!” I held back my tears and tried to keep my tone calm. I couldn’t cry in front of you. I had to be strong.
“Still at it?!” The angry look I knew so well appeared on your face. Usually I would have been afraid, but now I wasn’t. I wanted to see what exactly you could do. I wanted to see what kind of person you really were. The one who said he loved me?
I stared fixedly into your eyes, stubbornly into your eyes, waiting for your answer.
You actually reached out and slapped me across the face. Although it didn’t hurt, I was still stunned. From childhood until now, not even my family had ever slapped me in the face. I never thought the first person to slap me would be you! The person who said he loved me and would take care of me!
I covered my left cheek, but I felt no anger. Suddenly I wanted to laugh, really wanted to laugh. I don’t know why. The nausea that had been bothering me for days came rushing up again. I didn’t know whether it was because of my body, or because I had finally seen you clearly. I stared hard at you. I wanted to remember you deeply, you who said you loved me!
And you were actually still full of anger, still cursing at me:
“Damn!!! Even if anyone’s pregnant, it’d be me. You’re a man, you don’t have that function. Next time you get this drunk again, don’t come looking for me!!!”
But today, my heart is heavy, deeply depressed. I don’t know what this news means to me, to you, to us. I long for it so much, yet I’m also afraid. I’m sweating all over, feeling thirsty and wanting to vomit at the same time. Time passes second by second, and every tick of the second hand grates on my nerves. Why aren’t you here yet?
You came, carrying that charming smile I know so well. Seeing that what was in front of me was not the usual red wine but a glass of water, you seemed to pause for a moment. You casually waved over the waiter, ordered a glass of water, then stared at me. Still that gaze that makes me lose my senses. But I told myself, I have to tell you. But how am I supposed to say it? This is my first time. Still, I have to tell you. After all, this concerns both of us. I forced myself to avoid your gaze and lowered my head. I felt my face burning. I took a sip of water to calm myself a little, raised my head, and saw that you were just picking up your glass.
“I’m pregnant,” I said softly.
“What?” You almost sprayed the water in your mouth all over me, then burst out laughing. It wasn’t happy laughter, but mocking laughter, scornful laughter. You looked at me sarcastically. “How do you know it’s...”
My heart went cold. I never thought you would say that. All at once I thought of the scene from If We’re Divorced, Don’t Come Looking for Me, when Zhang Yan told that man she was pregnant, and he said the same thing. I never thought you would say it too.
“What do you mean? If it’s not ours, whose would it be? In this past year, other than you, who else have I been with? About my old friends, didn’t you say you didn’t mind? Why would you say something like that at a time like this?” I questioned you in a low voice. My heart hurt, hurt terribly.
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, how do you know you’re pregnant?” You were actually still laughing.
“How could I not know? These past two days I’ve felt nauseous every day, wanted to throw up. My appetite has also been especially good, and, and I feel like my belly has gotten bigger too.” The more I spoke, the lower my voice became. It was really embarrassing to say it, but I had no choice.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” You were still laughing, but there was already impatience in your tone.
“What do you mean ridiculous? Who jokes about this? What am I supposed to do? If my dad finds out, he’ll beat me to death for sure.” Just mentioning my dad made me start trembling. I could almost foresee the tragedy. Rather than be beaten to death by him, I might as well kill myself. That’s what I told myself.
“That’s enough. I’ve played along with you long enough, stop fooling around!” You actually said that to me? My heart dropped straight to freezing point. If ten-odd minutes earlier I had still pinned a shred of hope on you, now I was completely in despair.
“Then at least you can go with me to have the baby aborted, right? That request isn’t too much, is it? After all, this concerns both of us!” I held back my tears and tried to keep my tone calm. I couldn’t cry in front of you. I had to be strong.
“Still at it?!” The angry look I knew so well appeared on your face. Usually I would have been afraid, but now I wasn’t. I wanted to see what exactly you could do. I wanted to see what kind of person you really were. The one who said he loved me?
I stared fixedly into your eyes, stubbornly into your eyes, waiting for your answer.
You actually reached out and slapped me across the face. Although it didn’t hurt, I was still stunned. From childhood until now, not even my family had ever slapped me in the face. I never thought the first person to slap me would be you! The person who said he loved me and would take care of me!
I covered my left cheek, but I felt no anger. Suddenly I wanted to laugh, really wanted to laugh. I don’t know why. The nausea that had been bothering me for days came rushing up again. I didn’t know whether it was because of my body, or because I had finally seen you clearly. I stared hard at you. I wanted to remember you deeply, you who said you loved me!
And you were actually still full of anger, still cursing at me:
“Damn!!! Even if anyone’s pregnant, it’d be me. You’re a man, you don’t have that function. Next time you get this drunk again, don’t come looking for me!!!”
弄花香满衣，掬水月在手。
明月鹭鸟飞， 芦花白马走。
我自一过后，野渡现横舟。
青云碧空在，净瓶水不流。
http://dos.e-stone.cn/guestbook/index.asp
＝＝＝＝＝＝中國DOS聯盟＝＝＝＝＝
我的新网页http://rsds.7i24.com欢迎光顾
明月鹭鸟飞， 芦花白马走。
我自一过后，野渡现横舟。
青云碧空在，净瓶水不流。
http://dos.e-stone.cn/guestbook/index.asp
＝＝＝＝＝＝中國DOS聯盟＝＝＝＝＝
我的新网页http://rsds.7i24.com欢迎光顾
