One day, the Tang-brand toilet in billionaire Li Superman’s home broke down, and going to the bathroom became a problem. With no other choice, he ran by himself to the biggest free public toilet in the whole city nearby.
As soon as he went in, he almost stepped into empty space. It turned out that somebody had dug a huge water pit in front of the entrance.
“Damn! Everything was fine, so why dig a water pit here?” Li Superman asked anxiously.
“Sir, sorry about that. This isn’t a water pit, it’s our CEO’s design, a toilet-protection moat. If you are a paying user, you can conveniently cross from the bridge on the left.” The administrator spoke very politely.
Li Superman looked to the left, and sure enough, there were lots of blank-eyed people lining up to get onto the bridge.
“Wasn’t this toilet free before? How did it become paid?”
“Oh! You must have been spoiled by us before, because our toilet is very famous and was just acquired by a listed company, so in order to be responsible to the shareholders, we have to charge users some service fees. This is also for the better development of China’s toilet industry...”
“Of course, if you were a free user before, you can still wade through the water on the right.”
Li Superman felt around in his pocket and found that he had run out in such a hurry that he hadn’t brought any money. He thought: it’s only this once anyway, I’ll just wade through. Taking a dump is what matters! By coincidence, somebody had thrown a few bricks into the pit. Wouldn’t it be OK to step across on those!
Li Superman took two quick strides and jumped onto the brick marked “Login”.
“Handsome big brother!” Li Superman suddenly discovered that an MM had jumped out of the water from who-knows-where, speaking in a sweet girlish voice: “Please leave me your mobile phone number.”
“What do you want it for?”
“So I can provide you with service.”
“Oh? Could it be...” Although Li Superman had met quite a few MM crazily chasing after him, this was still a first in a toilet.
“I don’t need service right now, I just need to use the toilet!”
“Exactly! This service is very convenient.”
“What service?”
“This is the ‘Portable Toilet’ service. It only costs 5 yuan a month. Whenever you need it, we’ll immediately deliver a toilet right in front of you through your mobile phone... guaranteed to satisfy you! Come on, fill out a form right now!”
“Damn! Don’t block the way, let me go in and finish first.” Li Superman immediately jumped onto another brick marked “Cancel”.
“Heh! It really works! I made it across.” Li Superman was delighted inside. Not bad, just got acquired and the renovation isn’t bad at all.
Just as Li Superman was about to squat down, he discovered that the toilet had turned into the size of a matchbox.
“Hey! Administrator, why is the toilet as small as a matchbox? It’s full in one go!”
“Sorry, because you’re a free user, a matchbox-sized toilet is very suitable for you. But we are very happy to tell you that if you just jump onto that brick marked ‘Upgrade Toilet’, you can enjoy a washbasin toilet. Of course, if you have high demands for toilets, we recommend upgrading to a bucket toilet. Not only can it hold a month’s worth of your feces, it can also kill the ‘Nimda’ in your stool, and filter out bacteria like ‘online earning’.”
“Then what do I do now? The toilet is full and I’m not done yet.”
“You can first go empty out your previous stool, then do it again. If that still isn’t enough, empty it again. But we are very happy to tell you...”
“Enough! Enough! I know already.”
Li Superman took one dump, then emptied it once more. Only with great difficulty did he finally finish dumping out the shark fin and abalone from breakfast.
Li Superman returned home still shaken. If he had to go there again next time, who knew what new service he’d run into. He had to think of some way out.
“Right! Back when the toilet first opened N years ago, didn’t it have some special ‘POP3’ service? Seems like as long as you entered those numbers at home, you could immediately use the toilet at home!” Li Superman sprang into action, and after a few minutes finally got his home toilet working.
“I’m at home, let’s see what you can do to me now.” Li Superman looked at his toilet and was pleased for quite a while.
One midnight, Li Superman got up to take a leak.
As soon as he lifted the toilet lid, “Waaah! A ghost!” Li Superman jumped a meter in fright.
Something like Sadako, with long hair hanging down, shrugged its shoulders and slowly crawled out of the toilet.
“Mister~~ Li~~, we have noticed that you have been continuously using our POP3 toilet service and haven’t come to use our toilet for a long time. So we must presumptuously inform you that we have a new service again...”
“Lastly, I must regretfully remind you that I will appear from time to time! Heh! Heh! Frightened, aren’t you? ...” The Sadako-like thing showed a lewd smile.
“But after you upgrade to ‘Portable Toilet’, I will no longer appear. Please think it over.”
After saying that, the Sadako-like thing shrugged its shoulders again, then slowly withdrew back into the toilet.
The next day, someone discovered that Li Superman’s whole family, with blank eyes, followed behind the crowd and obediently lined up to enter that paid toilet, enjoying the high-quality service of the wooden-bucket toilet.
On the third day, several paid-toilet stocks on that Dead-DAQ stock market shot up 1000%, because several big toilets jointly issued an industry standard: toilet users without mobile phones, or users unwilling to give their mobile phone numbers to the toilet, would be forbidden to use the toilet.
As soon as he went in, he almost stepped into empty space. It turned out that somebody had dug a huge water pit in front of the entrance.
“Damn! Everything was fine, so why dig a water pit here?” Li Superman asked anxiously.
“Sir, sorry about that. This isn’t a water pit, it’s our CEO’s design, a toilet-protection moat. If you are a paying user, you can conveniently cross from the bridge on the left.” The administrator spoke very politely.
Li Superman looked to the left, and sure enough, there were lots of blank-eyed people lining up to get onto the bridge.
“Wasn’t this toilet free before? How did it become paid?”
“Oh! You must have been spoiled by us before, because our toilet is very famous and was just acquired by a listed company, so in order to be responsible to the shareholders, we have to charge users some service fees. This is also for the better development of China’s toilet industry...”
“Of course, if you were a free user before, you can still wade through the water on the right.”
Li Superman felt around in his pocket and found that he had run out in such a hurry that he hadn’t brought any money. He thought: it’s only this once anyway, I’ll just wade through. Taking a dump is what matters! By coincidence, somebody had thrown a few bricks into the pit. Wouldn’t it be OK to step across on those!
Li Superman took two quick strides and jumped onto the brick marked “Login”.
“Handsome big brother!” Li Superman suddenly discovered that an MM had jumped out of the water from who-knows-where, speaking in a sweet girlish voice: “Please leave me your mobile phone number.”
“What do you want it for?”
“So I can provide you with service.”
“Oh? Could it be...” Although Li Superman had met quite a few MM crazily chasing after him, this was still a first in a toilet.
“I don’t need service right now, I just need to use the toilet!”
“Exactly! This service is very convenient.”
“What service?”
“This is the ‘Portable Toilet’ service. It only costs 5 yuan a month. Whenever you need it, we’ll immediately deliver a toilet right in front of you through your mobile phone... guaranteed to satisfy you! Come on, fill out a form right now!”
“Damn! Don’t block the way, let me go in and finish first.” Li Superman immediately jumped onto another brick marked “Cancel”.
“Heh! It really works! I made it across.” Li Superman was delighted inside. Not bad, just got acquired and the renovation isn’t bad at all.
Just as Li Superman was about to squat down, he discovered that the toilet had turned into the size of a matchbox.
“Hey! Administrator, why is the toilet as small as a matchbox? It’s full in one go!”
“Sorry, because you’re a free user, a matchbox-sized toilet is very suitable for you. But we are very happy to tell you that if you just jump onto that brick marked ‘Upgrade Toilet’, you can enjoy a washbasin toilet. Of course, if you have high demands for toilets, we recommend upgrading to a bucket toilet. Not only can it hold a month’s worth of your feces, it can also kill the ‘Nimda’ in your stool, and filter out bacteria like ‘online earning’.”
“Then what do I do now? The toilet is full and I’m not done yet.”
“You can first go empty out your previous stool, then do it again. If that still isn’t enough, empty it again. But we are very happy to tell you...”
“Enough! Enough! I know already.”
Li Superman took one dump, then emptied it once more. Only with great difficulty did he finally finish dumping out the shark fin and abalone from breakfast.
Li Superman returned home still shaken. If he had to go there again next time, who knew what new service he’d run into. He had to think of some way out.
“Right! Back when the toilet first opened N years ago, didn’t it have some special ‘POP3’ service? Seems like as long as you entered those numbers at home, you could immediately use the toilet at home!” Li Superman sprang into action, and after a few minutes finally got his home toilet working.
“I’m at home, let’s see what you can do to me now.” Li Superman looked at his toilet and was pleased for quite a while.
One midnight, Li Superman got up to take a leak.
As soon as he lifted the toilet lid, “Waaah! A ghost!” Li Superman jumped a meter in fright.
Something like Sadako, with long hair hanging down, shrugged its shoulders and slowly crawled out of the toilet.
“Mister~~ Li~~, we have noticed that you have been continuously using our POP3 toilet service and haven’t come to use our toilet for a long time. So we must presumptuously inform you that we have a new service again...”
“Lastly, I must regretfully remind you that I will appear from time to time! Heh! Heh! Frightened, aren’t you? ...” The Sadako-like thing showed a lewd smile.
“But after you upgrade to ‘Portable Toilet’, I will no longer appear. Please think it over.”
After saying that, the Sadako-like thing shrugged its shoulders again, then slowly withdrew back into the toilet.
The next day, someone discovered that Li Superman’s whole family, with blank eyes, followed behind the crowd and obediently lined up to enter that paid toilet, enjoying the high-quality service of the wooden-bucket toilet.
On the third day, several paid-toilet stocks on that Dead-DAQ stock market shot up 1000%, because several big toilets jointly issued an industry standard: toilet users without mobile phones, or users unwilling to give their mobile phone numbers to the toilet, would be forbidden to use the toilet.
ko20010214
=================================
大功告成，打个Kiss!
ko20010214@MSN.com
神州优雅Q300C
Intel CeleronM 370处理器 | 256MbDDR内存
40G硬盘 | USB2.0 | IEEE 1394
13.3 ' WXGA 宽屏(16:10) | COMBO光驱
10/100M网卡 | 四合一读卡器
=================================
大功告成，打个Kiss!
ko20010214@MSN.com
神州优雅Q300C
Intel CeleronM 370处理器 | 256MbDDR内存
40G硬盘 | USB2.0 | IEEE 1394
13.3 ' WXGA 宽屏(16:10) | COMBO光驱
10/100M网卡 | 四合一读卡器
