China DOS Union

Little x went to the bird market again. He found a parrot priced at 3 yuan.
So he asked the seller: Why is this parrot so cheap?
Seller: This parrot of mine is dumb! Damn it, I've taught it for a long time. Up to now it can only say one sentence -- "Who is it?"

Little x thought, anyway it's cheap, so he bought it.
That night when he got home, he thought, "I don't believe I can't teach you!", so Little x spent the whole night teaching it to say something else.
But by morning, that parrot still could only say "Who is it?", so Little x got angry, locked the door, and went to work.
After a while, someone came to collect the gas bill (abbreviated as little z).
Little z: "Knock knock knock..." (sound of knocking)
Parrot: Who is it?
Little z: Gas bill collector.
Parrot: Who is it?
Little z: Gas bill collector.
Parrot: Who is it?
Little z: Gas bill collector.
That night, Little x came back. He saw someone lying on the ground by his door, foaming at the mouth.
Little x: Yo~! Who is this?
Then he heard from inside the house: Gas bill collector.
▲
Little x especially liked parrots. One day he wandered around the bird market and found a parrot selling for 30,000 yuan.
He was very curious, so he asked the buyer: Why is your parrot so expensive? Buyer: This parrot of mine is smart! It can say
anything.
When Little x heard it was that smart, he grit his teeth and bought it.
That night when he got home, he was especially happy. He started fiddling with this parrot.
Little x: I can walk
Parrot: I can walk
Little x: I can run
Parrot: I can run
Little x: I can fly
Parrot: You're bullshitting ****!
▲
A man kept a parrot. It was extremely fierce, and all the other birds kept
together with it were beaten to death by it.
Later the owner brought back an eagle and put it together with the parrot. When the owner came to look again, parrot feathers were hanging outside the cage.
The owner said: "This time you're not so **** anymore, huh."
But on closer inspection, it was the eagle that was dead, and the parrot, naked all over, said: "This grandson was really tough. If I hadn't stripped naked, I really couldn't beat
the damn bastard."
▲
There was a bird lover who especially liked parrots. One day he passed by a bird shop and found they were auctioning off a parrot inside.
He thought the parrot's feathers looked very nice and decided to buy it, so he shouted: "I'm willing to pay 10 dollars for this parrot!"
Then someone shouted a bid: "I'm willing to pay 20 dollars!"
The bird lover didn't want to hand the parrot over to someone else, so he shouted 30... but the other voice seemed to be
against him, and it kept going until the bird lover reached 200 dollars, then it stopped...
The man was very happy to get the parrot, but then he suddenly thought: I spent so much money to buy this parrot. If it
can't talk, then won't I have lost big???
So he went to ask the owner: "Boss... can this parrot talk or not????"
Then he heard the parrot shout: "Can't talk?!?!! Then who do you think was bidding against you just now?!?!"
▲
A bird dealer had three parrots. A customer came over, took a look, and pointed at the first parrot to ask the price.
"1000 yuan," said the bird dealer.
The customer said in surprise: "So expensive?"
"Of course, because it can use Windows"
"Then what about this one?" the customer pointed at the second one again.
"2000, because it can use UNIX"
"Oh, and the third one?"
"3000. It can......? "The bird dealer shrugged and replied, "I don't know what it can do either." He pointed at the first two
parrots, "But those two call it 'CTO'."
▲
A man was walking down the street and saw a merchant selling a parrot. He thought the parrot was very pretty, so he asked the merchant if the parrot could talk.
The merchant said: "Of course! If you don't believe me, grab its right foot."

The man did as he was told and grabbed the parrot's right foot.. He only heard the parrot say very clearly: "Hello! Hello!"
The man was very happy, and the merchant said again: "Now grab its left foot."
The man again did as he was told and grabbed the parrot's left foot, and heard it say very clearly: "Goodbye, goodbye..."
The man was even happier and immediately bought the parrot.
After getting home he was overjoyed. One moment he touched the parrot's left foot, the next moment its right foot.
The parrot obediently said too: Goodbye. Hello.
Suddenly he had a whim: If I grab both its feet at the same time, what will it say?
He grabbed both of the parrot's feet in one go.
He only heard the parrot shout loudly: "xxxx! Are you trying to make me fall to death!?"
▲
On his birthday, a young man received a gift: a talking parrot.
But he soon discovered that this parrot was full of foul language, extremely rude, and had no manners at all.
He was determined to change the parrot. Every day he spoke polite phrases to it, taught it elegant> vocabulary, and played soft music, but it
was no use at all. The parrot still spoke nothing but filthy words.
He yelled angrily at the parrot, and the parrot yelled back even louder.
Once, he got so mad that he threw the parrot into the refrigerator. A few seconds later, he heard the parrot flapping around inside, shouting,
and cursing.
Suddenly, it went quiet, without a sound. Half a minute passed, still no sound. He was worried the parrot had been frozen
hurt,
and immediately opened the refrigerator.
The parrot calmly walked out, obediently stood on his arm, and said in a very sincere tone: "I'm very sorry I made you angry.
I was wrong before. I've decided to completely turn over a new leaf, never say dirty words again, and please forgive me."
The young man was astonished by the parrot's change and hadn't yet had time to say anything when the parrot continued: "Can I ask what
that chicken in there did wrong?"
▲
When Big Fool entered a certain country, he brought along a parrot.
The customs officer stopped him and said: "Sir! You have to pay tax for this parrot too."
"How much should I pay?"
"50 US dollars if it's alive. If it's a specimen, then only 15 dollars!"
At this moment the parrot could be heard croaking hoarsely: "Big Fool! Don't be stingy no matter what!"
▲
One day on a whim, I wanted to buy a bird that could talk to keep at home, so I wandered into a bird shop.
As soon as I went in I saw a parrot lying in the cage, not moving at all, with one foot still hanging on
the cage. Just as I was curiously about to ask the owner, I saw a piece of paper pasted outside
the cage, which said:
"I am not sick"
"My foot is not injured either"
"And I'm definitely not dead"
"I just like lying like this",
so I felt this parrot had a lot of personality, and I bought it home....
Then for a whole week, every day I taught this parrot to talk..... "Call me daddy," "Call me daddy," but it had no reac tion at all.
Every day it only slept. After two or three weeks it was still the same. This really made me mad, so I threw it into the chicken coop to vent my anger
....
The next day when I went to look, I only saw the parrot grabbing a chicken and saying "Call me daddy," "Call me daddy"........
▲
It is said that a certain lady bought a female parrot on a sudden whim. Unexpectedly, after taking it home,
the first thing it said was: "Want to go to bed with me?"
As soon as the lady heard it, she thought: Oh no, outsiders will think I taught it that. Won't that completely ruin my ladylike image?
So she tried every possible way to teach that parrot to say something refined, but that female parrot had made up its mind.
It could only say one sentence: "Want to go to bed with me?"...
What to do? When the lady had run out of ideas, she heard that the priest also kept a parrot (a male),
and that parrot not only didn't speak crudely, but was instead a devout believer who spent most of every day praying.
So the lady went to the priest for help.
After understanding why she had come, the priest said with some difficulty on his face: "This is very hard to handle. Actually, that parrot of mine,
I didn't deliberately teach it anything either. The reason it's so devout may also be because it has long been influenced by
this place."
Seeing how disappointed the lady was, the priest said: "How about this, bring your parrot here to me, and I'll put them
together. I hope that after some time, your parrot can be influenced for the better. This is all I can do. Whether there is
any effect or not will depend on God's will..."
Hearing this, the lady realized this was the only thing to do. Isn't there a saying that one near vermilion turns red? Let's try it. So she brought the parrot
to the priest.
As promised, the priest put the two parrots together. At first the female parrot was a little reserved. Seeing the male parrot in
one corner of the cage, silently praying, she really couldn't bear to disturb it. But she still couldn't control herself.
Finally she said in a clear voice: "Want to go to bed with me?"
Hearing this, the male parrot stopped praying, turned and looked at the female parrot, and suddenly burst into tears: "Thank God, my wish
after all these years of prayer has finally come true..."
▲
A magician worked on a small mail cruise ship, and had already been there for a year or two.
During these two years, he put on the same show every night, and the audiences all liked him.
However, because the audience changed frequently, he didn't need to hurry to learn new tricks.
But after several years, the parrot sitting in the back row, after long observation, finally saw through the magician's
trick, and began exposing the magician's act in public.
For example, when the magician made a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot would shout: "Behind him! Behind
him!" This made the magician furious, but there was nothing he could do. The parrot belonged to the captain, and he
couldn't touch a single feather on it.
One day, the ship started leaking, and in the end it sank.
The magician managed to swim to a plank floating on the surface of the water, then grabbed onto it.
The parrot was standing on the other end of the plank.
The two of them just stared each other down without saying a word. In this way they drifted on the water for three days.
On the morning of the fourth day, the parrot finally couldn't help it> and looked at the magician and said: "Fine, I surrender. Where on earth did you
make the ship disappear to?"