China DOS Union

1·Let's meet!
　　Oh, come on, what's there to meet for? It's just a person after all—two eyes, one nose, one mouth! Whether they're a cute girl or a dinosaur, a handsome guy or a frog, what's that got to do with you?? Besides, no matter how pretty the outside is, it's still just a layer of human skin. A few decades later, who knows what kind of cat-or-dog mess it'll turn into. What's the point? Asking me to meet you is even more pointless. Anyway, whichever way you look at it, you'd just be seeing one dinosaur, so please let this little girl off!

　　2·Can you keep in touch with me?

　　The answer is a big fat "no way"! First of all, if you call me, I have to pay, and I don't have a habit of going against money, so of course I'm even less likely to contact you on my own, unless it rains red from the sky! Besides, if you have some dialect or whatever, I'll immediately be like a duck listening to thunder. What's the point of chickens talking to ducks? But if you're the type of gossiping woman who has to find someone to chatter with before you can fall asleep, that's another matter. Still, whether you call or not is your business. As for this girl's skill at playing deaf and dumb, hehe, it's absolutely first-rate in the world!!

　　3·Beautiful girl!

　　You're calling me? No way!! You haven't even seen me, and you're already talking nonsense—aren't you afraid you'll twist your tongue? I'm afraid if I hear it too much I'll puke blood, and if I puke too much, not even Red Peach K can make up for it. Please, I'm still so young, I don't want to die that early!! Beautiful girl, if your eyesight is bad, I'll introduce you to an eyeglasses shop. Guaranteed fair prices, no cheating old or young, first-rate quality. All right, admitting your mistake and correcting it makes you a good child. Big sis has candy for you, come--ah--!

　　4·I've been dumped, I'm in a bad mood!

　　55555555…… so pitiful! Have you been reading too many Auntie Qiong Yao novels? So much that you've started treating yourself like the tragic male lead in one of them? You're in a bad mood and still come online to fish for girls? Who are you trying to fool, a three-year-old? Careful or I'll use a demon-revealing mirror and kill you on the spot! Net wolf!!! If you're in a bad mood, go hide under the covers and cry. Otherwise there's the Yellow River, the Yangtze or whatever, and if that still doesn't work there's always the Qinhuai River. Anyway, none of those rivers have lids, so if you want to jump, then jump—no one's stopping you! Telling me is useless, I don't have a rope to lend you!!

Exactly, exactly,