1. A nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she walked over and softly reminded him: “Be careful, sweetheart!” The patient smiled and said: “Little darling.”
2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed his sow. The vet said: Looks like artificial insemination is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, then gathered his courage and said: Fine, but I’m afraid it might bite me.
3. On a bus, a married woman saw a man who was about to get off drop a pack of cigarettes onto the step, so she quickly said to him: Comrade, your cigarette fell! The man flew into a rage: You’re the one who got castrated!
4. A man went into the toilet constipated, when suddenly another man rushed in, and in an instant it was thunder and rain. “Buddy, I really envy you, so fast.” “Envy what? I haven’t even pulled my pants down yet.”
5. A certain company was hiring. The English name of the next girl to be interviewed was “spring.” The secretary wanted to show off her English a bit and shouted: Hi! The one called “Chun,” it’s your turn!
6. On a bus, a pregnant woman standing up said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don’t you know I’m pregnant?
The man immediately looked very nervous and said: But the child isn’t mine!
7. Civilian: Are there military prostitutes in the army? Soldier: Yes, of course. How could we do without military discipline! Civilian: Really! Do you have to pay?
Soldier: Why would that need money? Our military discipline is uniformly handed down from above.
8. A man stormed angrily into some office and shouted: Is this the animal protection association? Staff member: Yes. May I ask who bullied you?
9. Farmer: After I get into bed at night I often feel cold. Doctor: I’ve had that too. At times like that I hold my wife, and then I get warm.
Farmer: That’s a good idea, but when is your wife free?
10. Before the execution, the warden asked the condemned prisoner sitting in the electric chair: Do you have any requests?
Prisoner: I only hope that when you carry out the execution, you can hold my hand, so I’ll feel a little better.
11. Female secretary: Boss, your wife called. She said she wants to kiss you over the phone. Boss: Take it for me first, then bring it over to me later.
12. A Pang shaved his head bald. His dorm mate rubbed it and said: Soft and fleshy, just like my girlfriend’s butt. A Pang also couldn’t help rubbing it and said: Don’t mention it, it really is quite similar.
13. A melon seller: Come buy watermelon, if it’s not sweet, no charge! A thirsty passerby: Wow! Great, boss, give me one that isn’t sweet.
14. Mrs. Wang got pregnant with quadruplets and showed it off everywhere to the neighbors, saying that having quadruplets is very rare, on average only one case in sixty thousand. Mrs. Li was astonished: Then do you still have time to do housework?
15. Priest: Is there anyone among you whose birthday is today? Tom happily raised his hand. Priest: Very good, after the service please help me blow out these candles!
16. A child was thinking about the question of “heredity and environment.” His mother cut in and said: That’s very simple. Everybody knows that if a child resembles the father, that’s heredity; if he resembles the neighbor, that’s environment.
17. Khrushchev visited a farm, and a reporter took a photo of him together with pigs in the pigsty. The next day it appeared in the paper with a caption beside it: Third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev.
18. Two middle-aged Americans, both limping, met on the street. One of them got very excited: Friend, Vietnam, 1969! The other pointed behind him: Friend, banana peel, 20 feet!
19. Woman: Why do you look so old-fashioned? Man: If you like RMB, would you care what year it was issued?
2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed his sow. The vet said: Looks like artificial insemination is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, then gathered his courage and said: Fine, but I’m afraid it might bite me.
3. On a bus, a married woman saw a man who was about to get off drop a pack of cigarettes onto the step, so she quickly said to him: Comrade, your cigarette fell! The man flew into a rage: You’re the one who got castrated!
4. A man went into the toilet constipated, when suddenly another man rushed in, and in an instant it was thunder and rain. “Buddy, I really envy you, so fast.” “Envy what? I haven’t even pulled my pants down yet.”
5. A certain company was hiring. The English name of the next girl to be interviewed was “spring.” The secretary wanted to show off her English a bit and shouted: Hi! The one called “Chun,” it’s your turn!
6. On a bus, a pregnant woman standing up said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don’t you know I’m pregnant?
The man immediately looked very nervous and said: But the child isn’t mine!
7. Civilian: Are there military prostitutes in the army? Soldier: Yes, of course. How could we do without military discipline! Civilian: Really! Do you have to pay?
Soldier: Why would that need money? Our military discipline is uniformly handed down from above.
8. A man stormed angrily into some office and shouted: Is this the animal protection association? Staff member: Yes. May I ask who bullied you?
9. Farmer: After I get into bed at night I often feel cold. Doctor: I’ve had that too. At times like that I hold my wife, and then I get warm.
Farmer: That’s a good idea, but when is your wife free?
10. Before the execution, the warden asked the condemned prisoner sitting in the electric chair: Do you have any requests?
Prisoner: I only hope that when you carry out the execution, you can hold my hand, so I’ll feel a little better.
11. Female secretary: Boss, your wife called. She said she wants to kiss you over the phone. Boss: Take it for me first, then bring it over to me later.
12. A Pang shaved his head bald. His dorm mate rubbed it and said: Soft and fleshy, just like my girlfriend’s butt. A Pang also couldn’t help rubbing it and said: Don’t mention it, it really is quite similar.
13. A melon seller: Come buy watermelon, if it’s not sweet, no charge! A thirsty passerby: Wow! Great, boss, give me one that isn’t sweet.
14. Mrs. Wang got pregnant with quadruplets and showed it off everywhere to the neighbors, saying that having quadruplets is very rare, on average only one case in sixty thousand. Mrs. Li was astonished: Then do you still have time to do housework?
15. Priest: Is there anyone among you whose birthday is today? Tom happily raised his hand. Priest: Very good, after the service please help me blow out these candles!
16. A child was thinking about the question of “heredity and environment.” His mother cut in and said: That’s very simple. Everybody knows that if a child resembles the father, that’s heredity; if he resembles the neighbor, that’s environment.
17. Khrushchev visited a farm, and a reporter took a photo of him together with pigs in the pigsty. The next day it appeared in the paper with a caption beside it: Third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev.
18. Two middle-aged Americans, both limping, met on the street. One of them got very excited: Friend, Vietnam, 1969! The other pointed behind him: Friend, banana peel, 20 feet!
19. Woman: Why do you look so old-fashioned? Man: If you like RMB, would you care what year it was issued?
生命在于折腾
