China DOS Union

When you run into girls online (super hilarious)




　　You sneak online behind your wife's back to hit on girls; this is called a second property purchase;

　　You say you're handsome and rich; this is called pre-launch hype;

　　Some guy next to you can't stand it and says you're actually ugly, poor, and lecherous; this is called vicious competition;

　　You complain to the net cafe admin, and the admin kicks him out; this is called regulating the market.

　　An older buddy testifies: "Actually you're the second Xie Tingfeng"; this is called a shill;

　　You ask: "Are there any beauties here?"; this is called market research;

　　20 people answer at the same time: "I'm a beauty"; this is called a housing bubble;

　　You say: "Who wants to chat with me?"; this is called placing an advertisement;
　
　　Two beauties say they've seen you before; this is called old customers;

　　These two beauties say you really are handsome; this is called joint hype;

　　All 20 beauties say they want to chat with you; this is called lining up to subscribe;

　　As for why so many beauties are looking for you, that's because the vacancy rate is too high these days;

　　You happily say: "All these beauties are mine"; this is called enclosing land;

　　If you say: "All the beauties in Beijing are mine," this is called moving north to enclose land.

　　When you talk, you quote Lu Xun, Xi Murong, Haizi, Stephen Chow, Hegel, Rodin, Spielberg; this is called community culture;
　
　　You say you can sing, dance, and write poetry; this is called an on-site performance.

　　Another guy nearby says: "Whoever chats with me, I'll pay her"; this is called a price war;

　　You say: "Whoever pays me, I'll chat with her"; this is called psychological warfare;

　　As a result, all 20 beauties scramble to express their admiration for you; this is called hot sales; but your typing speed is too slow, and you can't chat with 20 people at once; this is called limited market carrying capacity;

　　You pick one of them to chat with; this is called placing a deposit;

　　You ask her for a nice photo; this is called viewing the property online;

　　She says she knows lots of other pretty girls too and asks whether you want introductions; this is called a sales agent;

　　You leave her your phone number; this is called internal registration;

　　You and your buddies go meet the beauty together; this is called joint property viewing;

　　You discover that this "beauty" is actually a huge dinosaur; this is called goods not matching the description;

　　The dinosaur is even wearing an evening dress and big earrings; this is called ultra-luxury interior decoration;

　　She has a straight-up-and-down 36-36-36 waistline; this is called a square floor plan; and the dinosaur insists on twisting her waist in front of you; this is called a mountain-view luxury home;

　　Fortunately there's also a female companion who came with the dinosaur; this is called buy one get one free;

　　And this companion is actually very pretty; this is called tremendously good news;

　　The pretty girl is wearing a spaghetti-strap dress; this is called simple decoration; actually you'd rather see the rough shell unit.

　　You want to treat the beauty to dinner, but the dinosaur insists on tagging along; this is called bundled sales; you and your buddy think up all kinds of ways to get rid of the dinosaur; this is called planning; you finally get the dinosaur drunk; this is called public relations;

　　You stuff the dinosaur into a taxi, package her up, and have your buddy send her home; this is called risk transfer; your buddy cleans up the stuff the dinosaur puked all over the floor, then takes off and washes the wig from on top of her head; this is called five-star property management service;

　　You finally get your wish and kiss the pretty girl once; this is called ** trial stay;

　　She has you buy her a diamond ring; this is called the down payment;

　　Then around Mid-Autumn Festival she slaughters your little cash stash again, saying it's for mooncakes but not issuing an invoice; this is called the developer.

　　You find out she also slaughtered more than 30 other people's little cash stashes to buy mooncakes; this is called multi-channel financing;
　　
　　You decide to cook the rice before anything changes; this is called taking possession;
　
　　When you start cooking, you find out it's leftover rice; this is called second-hand housing;

　　Even though you feel cheated, you can only swallow it; this is called a weak homeowner;

　　The beauty says you're the 10th one, so she'll let you do it one more time; this is called prize promotion;

　　The following 352 characters have been deleted; this is called Live-in Property editor;

　　Afterward the beauty says you have to write 204 guarantee letters for her; this is called Qin Bing;

　　You just finish writing all 204 when you get arrested by ****; this is called incomplete certificates;

　　Your wife finds out, deducts all your pocket money, and also punishes you by forbidding you to see women for two months; this is called cutting off supply.

　　The beauty finally comes to your door and says she's pregnant with your child; this is called asset appreciation, but you think it's a negative asset;

　　You want to deny everything, but she pulls out the 204 letters and only then do you agree to give her some compensation; this is called a black-hearted developer;

　　She goes to the hospital; this is called asset loss;

　　You finally understand that the Internet is illusory; this is what real estate is;

　　From then on you no longer dare go online to hit on girls; this is called a mature consumer;

　　Oh right, after reading the above, anyone who immediately calls me to ask what I think is called a housing market reporter

I'm nothing at all...