I was born into an ordinary family. My parents were healthy, I had grandparents, and several aunts and uncles too.
It is said that when I was born, in the northern sky there appeared a patch of auspicious clouds. Gradually, from far to near, it drifted above my family's roof, then transformed into one character: handsome
After Dad saw me, he cried himself hoarse for a month and a half. He absolutely refused to believe I was a child inherited from his chromosomes. Several times he rushed to my mother's bedside with a kitchen knife, waving it and saying he would chop me into mincemeat. My mother protected me with her life, and only then did I survive.
Grandpa had had glaucoma for more than ten years. Beyond one meter he couldn't tell whether it was a person or a dog. But when I appeared before his eyes, the old man wept bitter tears, gouged out his own eyes, and from then on never saw daylight again, saying he did not want to see people anymore, lest there be endless trouble later on.
Later, to prove her innocence, my mother dragged my father to the hospital for a paternity test. The doctor lifted the blanket and after just one look, he cried, wiping his nose and saying, go back, this isn't your son, nor is he anyone's, humanity can't give birth to a child this handsome.....
A trainee nurse walked by and, seeing the barely-strong-enough-to-carry-on me, immediately found a box of red ink paste and took my fingerprint. Then she let down her pinned-up hair all at once and muttered to me: I keep my long hair for you; if in this life I do not marry you, then my long hair will remain uncut, and by the dim lamp before the ancient Buddha I will comb my own hair and stay in my chamber.......
Mother hurried out, trotting all the way, and accidentally bumped into an old lady next door in obstetrics who was waiting to give birth. The old lady grabbed Mother and said kindly: Child, why are you in such a hurry? What's got you so upset? Don't jostle the baby....
Mother got annoyed by her pestering and yanked the blanket open. The moment the old lady saw me, she immediately acted like she'd gone insane, tears pouring down, plopping onto the ground and shaking her head as she shrieked wildly: I was born 50 years too early!!!!!!!!!!
Mother vanished.....
When I grew to fifteen, I still didn't dare go to school. It's not that I had never gone. I attended kindergarten for half a day and then didn't dare go anymore. The whole kindergarten—children, teachers, even the principal—went crazy. My cheeks were kissed by little girls until they swelled up like watermelons. The aunties beat up the children like mad, for no other reason than that they were born in the same age group as me. The army and police had to be dispatched before the riot was finally put down.
There were always people fishing in front of my house year-round, and they never came back empty-handed. The funniest part was that our home was still a hundred kilometers from the sea, yet they often caught tuna in the little stinking ditch in front of the door, and even found sea turtle eggs behind the haystack. Later, after investigation, it turned out that countless women were constantly weeping in front of my house, and because tears are rich in amino acids and protein, they were extremely suitable for tuna survival and sea turtles laying eggs. As time passed, those women's tears gathered into a small beach. By the time I was fifteen, the beach was flourishing. By the time I was eighteen, it had developed so rapidly that people called it: Hawaii.
Once I was really bored, so at night I secretly ran out of the house. I had originally prepared myself that if I saw any female animal I would turn and run at once. Who would have thought that after I went out, aside from a chorus of startled screams, none came chasing after me. I cautiously looked back, only to find they had all fainted on the beach...
The U.S. Department of Defense formally sued me at the Hague International Court, saying I had destroyed the happiness of the First Family. It turned out that after the President's wife accidentally saw a secretly taken photo of me at age six, she actually asked little Bush for a divorce, creating the first divorce case in American national history involving a sitting president. After the Hague court accepted the case, they issued me a summons. After receiving it, I stated I was willing to appear in court, because this kind of life was truly unbearable. But the summons never made it back to the court, because it had my signature on it, so halfway there it was taken by the mailman..... Later the mailman was sentenced to 122 years in prison.
The Focus Interview team from China Central Television came to interview me. The one carrying the camera fainted three times, and the little girl responsible for taking notes ended up writing Chinese as if it were Italian plus Spanish.
When it aired, because the TV station had mosaicked my face, the station was smashed the very next day. Slogans were pasted everywhere, even onto the portrait of Chairman ***. America's CNN said this was China's second Cultural Revolution phenomenon. Little Bush took the opportunity to visit China and gave a speech in *** Square, titled: One of My Big-Character Posters! The speech was delivered under the protection of more than 5,000 American T2 agents, but while attending to one thing they neglected another, and Air Force One was attacked and smashed to pieces....
The United Nations allocated special funds to build me a hiding place, located at the summit of Mount Everest in the Himalayas. The news was sealed off to the extreme. In the whole world, aside from my family and Secretary-General Annan, nobody knew where I was.
I enjoyed peace and quiet, true peace and quiet. The blue sky was incomparably close to me; God was practically within reach. I was at peace, but also unbearably bored. Standing on the summit, I shouted loudly: I am not handsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly, from the sky came a faint and ethereal voice that soothed the soul: No, you lie......
God, can't You at least deceive me.......
I was angry, extremely angry!!! I demanded of God, why did You make me so handsome!!!!
That soul-soothing voice of God came again: What did you say?
My whole body went limp, and I sobbed: Why am I so handsome.......
God fell silent...... After a while, God finally spoke: You are modest......
At that instant, I wanted to jump from the summit.......
Suddenly a whole group of people charged up the mountain. Only later did I learn that Annan had been kidnapped. The mother of the leader of the bandits had a grandmother who, back in the Qing dynasty in China, had served as a palace maid beside Cixi, and the master of the house had been Minister of Punishments. Their family heirloom was the Ten Great Tortures of the Manchu Qing. Annan truly was a heroic man worthy of song and tears; only when they got to the ninth torture did he reveal my hiding place....
I went mad!!!
I stood on a rock, facing the bottomless cliff, and screamed hysterically: If any of you dare come up here!!! I'll jump!!!!!
The crowd stopped moving. Astonishing silence....
The crowd began to stir. Many people, as if possessed, jumped from the edge of the cliff, more and more of them! In the end only a few who had fainted remained on the mountain. All the rest jumped off the cliff. I looked down, and they had used their bodies to pave me a soft cushion, afraid I might accidentally fall....
I was isolated and helpless... I was put under heavy protection by the women's faction in what used to be the American Pentagon. Women took pride in seeing me even once. Ever since the last Everest incident, scientists discovered that human potential was actually this great, because in that Everest incident, ten percent of the people had terminal illnesses, ten percent were disabled, and another ten percent were mentally impaired.....
Many cancer patients (women), in order to see me once, had stubbornly held on for more than ten years, and even became anti-cancer stars. Some disabled people (women), after seeing me, threw away the crutches and wheelchairs they had depended on for decades. A few even broke the world 100-meter record several times in a row.
Left with no choice, World War III broke out. In order to defend their dignity, men used atomic bombs....
After the explosion, I was the only person left alive in the whole world, because I had been protected in a nuclear-proof zone. When I came out, the earth was desolate, everywhere the bleakness and ruins left after war....
Suddenly, I discovered there was still life on the ground!!!!
It was a cockroach!!! The vitality of cockroaches was far beyond everyone's expectations. I picked up this cockroach, tears streaming down my old face. The cockroach trembled all over. I looked around, only to discover that beneath my feet was a whole expanse of cockroaches!!! All female!!!
And along the other shoreline, all the male cockroaches were eyeing them like tigers watching prey!!!
No one could have expected that Earth's Fourth World War would actually take place among cockroaches.....
Postscript: After I died and after millions upon millions of years, post-humans were born. They reconstructed my remains and buried them in the Arctic. Above my tombstone, all year round there floated a cloud, changing and changing, with only one character: handsome.....
It is said that when I was born, in the northern sky there appeared a patch of auspicious clouds. Gradually, from far to near, it drifted above my family's roof, then transformed into one character: handsome
After Dad saw me, he cried himself hoarse for a month and a half. He absolutely refused to believe I was a child inherited from his chromosomes. Several times he rushed to my mother's bedside with a kitchen knife, waving it and saying he would chop me into mincemeat. My mother protected me with her life, and only then did I survive.
Grandpa had had glaucoma for more than ten years. Beyond one meter he couldn't tell whether it was a person or a dog. But when I appeared before his eyes, the old man wept bitter tears, gouged out his own eyes, and from then on never saw daylight again, saying he did not want to see people anymore, lest there be endless trouble later on.
Later, to prove her innocence, my mother dragged my father to the hospital for a paternity test. The doctor lifted the blanket and after just one look, he cried, wiping his nose and saying, go back, this isn't your son, nor is he anyone's, humanity can't give birth to a child this handsome.....
A trainee nurse walked by and, seeing the barely-strong-enough-to-carry-on me, immediately found a box of red ink paste and took my fingerprint. Then she let down her pinned-up hair all at once and muttered to me: I keep my long hair for you; if in this life I do not marry you, then my long hair will remain uncut, and by the dim lamp before the ancient Buddha I will comb my own hair and stay in my chamber.......
Mother hurried out, trotting all the way, and accidentally bumped into an old lady next door in obstetrics who was waiting to give birth. The old lady grabbed Mother and said kindly: Child, why are you in such a hurry? What's got you so upset? Don't jostle the baby....
Mother got annoyed by her pestering and yanked the blanket open. The moment the old lady saw me, she immediately acted like she'd gone insane, tears pouring down, plopping onto the ground and shaking her head as she shrieked wildly: I was born 50 years too early!!!!!!!!!!
Mother vanished.....
When I grew to fifteen, I still didn't dare go to school. It's not that I had never gone. I attended kindergarten for half a day and then didn't dare go anymore. The whole kindergarten—children, teachers, even the principal—went crazy. My cheeks were kissed by little girls until they swelled up like watermelons. The aunties beat up the children like mad, for no other reason than that they were born in the same age group as me. The army and police had to be dispatched before the riot was finally put down.
There were always people fishing in front of my house year-round, and they never came back empty-handed. The funniest part was that our home was still a hundred kilometers from the sea, yet they often caught tuna in the little stinking ditch in front of the door, and even found sea turtle eggs behind the haystack. Later, after investigation, it turned out that countless women were constantly weeping in front of my house, and because tears are rich in amino acids and protein, they were extremely suitable for tuna survival and sea turtles laying eggs. As time passed, those women's tears gathered into a small beach. By the time I was fifteen, the beach was flourishing. By the time I was eighteen, it had developed so rapidly that people called it: Hawaii.
Once I was really bored, so at night I secretly ran out of the house. I had originally prepared myself that if I saw any female animal I would turn and run at once. Who would have thought that after I went out, aside from a chorus of startled screams, none came chasing after me. I cautiously looked back, only to find they had all fainted on the beach...
The U.S. Department of Defense formally sued me at the Hague International Court, saying I had destroyed the happiness of the First Family. It turned out that after the President's wife accidentally saw a secretly taken photo of me at age six, she actually asked little Bush for a divorce, creating the first divorce case in American national history involving a sitting president. After the Hague court accepted the case, they issued me a summons. After receiving it, I stated I was willing to appear in court, because this kind of life was truly unbearable. But the summons never made it back to the court, because it had my signature on it, so halfway there it was taken by the mailman..... Later the mailman was sentenced to 122 years in prison.
The Focus Interview team from China Central Television came to interview me. The one carrying the camera fainted three times, and the little girl responsible for taking notes ended up writing Chinese as if it were Italian plus Spanish.
When it aired, because the TV station had mosaicked my face, the station was smashed the very next day. Slogans were pasted everywhere, even onto the portrait of Chairman ***. America's CNN said this was China's second Cultural Revolution phenomenon. Little Bush took the opportunity to visit China and gave a speech in *** Square, titled: One of My Big-Character Posters! The speech was delivered under the protection of more than 5,000 American T2 agents, but while attending to one thing they neglected another, and Air Force One was attacked and smashed to pieces....
The United Nations allocated special funds to build me a hiding place, located at the summit of Mount Everest in the Himalayas. The news was sealed off to the extreme. In the whole world, aside from my family and Secretary-General Annan, nobody knew where I was.
I enjoyed peace and quiet, true peace and quiet. The blue sky was incomparably close to me; God was practically within reach. I was at peace, but also unbearably bored. Standing on the summit, I shouted loudly: I am not handsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly, from the sky came a faint and ethereal voice that soothed the soul: No, you lie......
God, can't You at least deceive me.......
I was angry, extremely angry!!! I demanded of God, why did You make me so handsome!!!!
That soul-soothing voice of God came again: What did you say?
My whole body went limp, and I sobbed: Why am I so handsome.......
God fell silent...... After a while, God finally spoke: You are modest......
At that instant, I wanted to jump from the summit.......
Suddenly a whole group of people charged up the mountain. Only later did I learn that Annan had been kidnapped. The mother of the leader of the bandits had a grandmother who, back in the Qing dynasty in China, had served as a palace maid beside Cixi, and the master of the house had been Minister of Punishments. Their family heirloom was the Ten Great Tortures of the Manchu Qing. Annan truly was a heroic man worthy of song and tears; only when they got to the ninth torture did he reveal my hiding place....
I went mad!!!
I stood on a rock, facing the bottomless cliff, and screamed hysterically: If any of you dare come up here!!! I'll jump!!!!!
The crowd stopped moving. Astonishing silence....
The crowd began to stir. Many people, as if possessed, jumped from the edge of the cliff, more and more of them! In the end only a few who had fainted remained on the mountain. All the rest jumped off the cliff. I looked down, and they had used their bodies to pave me a soft cushion, afraid I might accidentally fall....
I was isolated and helpless... I was put under heavy protection by the women's faction in what used to be the American Pentagon. Women took pride in seeing me even once. Ever since the last Everest incident, scientists discovered that human potential was actually this great, because in that Everest incident, ten percent of the people had terminal illnesses, ten percent were disabled, and another ten percent were mentally impaired.....
Many cancer patients (women), in order to see me once, had stubbornly held on for more than ten years, and even became anti-cancer stars. Some disabled people (women), after seeing me, threw away the crutches and wheelchairs they had depended on for decades. A few even broke the world 100-meter record several times in a row.
Left with no choice, World War III broke out. In order to defend their dignity, men used atomic bombs....
After the explosion, I was the only person left alive in the whole world, because I had been protected in a nuclear-proof zone. When I came out, the earth was desolate, everywhere the bleakness and ruins left after war....
Suddenly, I discovered there was still life on the ground!!!!
It was a cockroach!!! The vitality of cockroaches was far beyond everyone's expectations. I picked up this cockroach, tears streaming down my old face. The cockroach trembled all over. I looked around, only to discover that beneath my feet was a whole expanse of cockroaches!!! All female!!!
And along the other shoreline, all the male cockroaches were eyeing them like tigers watching prey!!!
No one could have expected that Earth's Fourth World War would actually take place among cockroaches.....
Postscript: After I died and after millions upon millions of years, post-humans were born. They reconstructed my remains and buried them in the Arctic. Above my tombstone, all year round there floated a cloud, changing and changing, with only one character: handsome.....
弄花香满衣，掬水月在手。
明月鹭鸟飞， 芦花白马走。
我自一过后，野渡现横舟。
青云碧空在，净瓶水不流。
http://dos.e-stone.cn/guestbook/index.asp
＝＝＝＝＝＝中國DOS聯盟＝＝＝＝＝
我的新网页http://rsds.7i24.com欢迎光顾
明月鹭鸟飞， 芦花白马走。
我自一过后，野渡现横舟。
青云碧空在，净瓶水不流。
http://dos.e-stone.cn/guestbook/index.asp
＝＝＝＝＝＝中國DOS聯盟＝＝＝＝＝
我的新网页http://rsds.7i24.com欢迎光顾
