1. When I was a child, I watched the TV series "Hunter" and "The Family Link" on TV. An old granny in the courtyard said, "Tonight they are going to play 'Big Rascal Hunter'."......
2. A colleague I wasn't familiar with was chatting with me, and the content was extremely boring, just talking about how he and his girlfriend were, how they were... I had nothing to say,,,,, After he talked for a long time, he looked at me,,,,, Maybe he meant that I should express my opinion after he said so,,,,, For a moment,, I really didn't know what to say, and blurted out a sentence: Is your girlfriend a woman? I was really ashamed for a long time!!!!
3. When the history teacher was talking about the ancient Babylonian civilization in junior high school, when he讲到 the Sumerians, he excitedly said "and the Shuer people in the two rivers region", and most of the class burst into laughter on the spot
4. We went to buy guokui (a kind of pancake) to eat. A certain man went up to the boss: "Boss, two steel helmets!"
(Good teeth, good appetite, eat everything with relish... )
5. There was a classmate named Huang Jiajian in high school. One day he didn't come to class. After the head teacher entered the classroom and saw his seat empty, he asked: "Yi, Huang Jiajian, where is he?" The whole class laughed, and later they all called him "Huang Jiajian the Jerk".
6. Once when the teacher was distributing papers in an exam, the girl behind took one more paper and shouted "Teacher, I have it, I have it" Then the boy sitting next to her said "It's mine, it's mine" The whole class was extremely embarrassed~~~
7. Two years ago, I was working in the factory. One day I went to the branch factory to handle things with my master (actually just one year older than me). The material clerk was a sister in her forties, surnamed Dong. After handling the things, my master was very polite and wanted to say: "Sister Dong, let's go." But it came out as: "Understood."
8. Another time, I went to buy breakfast. When I was in the queue, I found that the usually serious boss was also in the queue, so I was very nervous. After greeting him, I mustered up the courage to say to the cook: "Master, please give me a cup of buns, two breasts!"~
~~~~Wu~~ The first time in two years I heard the boss laugh so loudly~~~ Depressed~~~
9. A friend's child was half a year old. I called to show concern. After exchanging a few pleasantries, I said: "Does your child now drink mother's milk or your milk"
10. One evening, I met an acquaintance and blurted out: "Good morning"...
11. At night, a roommate entered the room and announced loudly: "Today I watched the midnight version of The Ring!"
12. That day I went to buy watermelons and heard someone asking the watermelon seller: Does your watermelon have a rind?
13. A farmer was drying wheat in the yard. Several chickens came to peck at the food. The farmer swept, the chickens scratched. He swept again and they scratched again. He couldn't bear it anymore and cursed: "You bad things, I scratch, you sweep, I scratch, you sweep."
14. One day I went shopping and had to urinate urgently. I saw an internet cafe ahead and rushed in shouting at the internet cafe manager: Where is the toilet in your toilet?
15. When buying food in the cafeteria, I saw the bean curd skin I had long admired. In excitement, I said to the waiter: Give me a portion of potato skin, which surprised everyone around.
16. Due to a business trip opportunity, I had to go to the Bank of China in a certain place to repair equipment. After coming out of the hotel and getting into a taxi, I said to the female driver: "Go to the Bank of China, and by the way find a hardware store to buy a knife" Sweat! At that time, I meant to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice I said it wrong. Then the female driver kept looking at me very wronged and said: "Brother, I'm off work. You take another taxi." At that time I was very angry and said fiercely: "You're off work, why did you park the car at the hotel!?" The female driver looked at me and was about to collapse and said: "Brother, I won't charge you for the car after buying the knife. You find another one." Wow! Then I realized I said it wrong and quickly explained for a long time. Now thinking about it, I really feel sorry for that female driver.
17. Once the political teacher was giving a lecture and said: "Next I will give an example", then he felt it was wrong and said: "Make an example"
18. I remember in Han Wu Da Di (The Emperor Han Wu),
After Zhang Qian came back from the Western Regions, he brought new iron-making materials
He炼 out a good sword, and Emperor Wu of Han gave it to Li Guang
Li Guang kept repeating:
Your Majesty, good sword (jian), Your Majesty, good sword (jian) Ah ……
Speechless……
19. Really a good donkey is regarded as heart, liver and lungs
20. When I was in junior high school, the teacher asked to translate Who is this man?
A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed, and the teacher was speechless
21. Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the clerk: Give me a pack of potato chips. He said they didn't have any. I said, What kind of store doesn't even have potato chips, then turned around and left...
22. In the mid-term exam, there was a pen bag in the shape of pants on the desk of the girl behind me. When I turned my head, the pen bag fell, and I said: "MM, your pants are down"
23. I remember encountering a dog on the road, and the girl next to me exclaimed in surprise: Ya, that tail doesn't have a dog!!
23. Sunbathing the buttocks
24. I remember when I was a child, I went to buy the round plastic bullets for the toy gun. I directly said to the old grandpa in the toy store: Buy a pack of original (round) bullets!
25. A classmate was explaining how to dial a certain inquiry number to me.
I wanted to ask if the person answering the phone was a real person or a voice, but I said it as: "Is the person answering the phone a living person or a dead person?"
26. Carrying a lot of things and my gg were looking for a luggage storage place at the train station.
An approaching policeman, my gg immediately stepped forward and asked very politely: "Excuse me, where is the burying bag place?"
27. During a political class, when talking about Sino-Japanese political issues, it dragged on and on to the samurai's seppuku in Japan.
The teacher introduced: "Japanese samurais all had caesarean sections before death~~~"
28. Once I called a client surnamed Wang. The operator who answered the call was a sweet-voiced MM. She told me his extension number. I didn't know whether the client surnamed Wang was male or female, so I casually asked: "Excuse me, is he Mr. Male or Ms. Female?"
29. During college, a classmate of mine just bought a mobile phone and activated a China Mobile card. He called 1860 customer service to inquire. In excitement, he said: "Excuse me, your local mobile band service..." From the speakerphone, we actually heard the operator小姐 politely say: Our local mobile band service... The whole dormitory burst into laughter
30. In the third year of college, my classmate went to work in a fish-selling mall during National Day. The customer picked out the fish he wanted. My classmate very gently pointed at the fish-killing platform and said to him:
"You go over, someone will kill you..."
31. Yesterday someone said he was going to introduce a girlfriend to me. I本来 wanted to ask "Is she beautiful", but I said "Is she cheap". Sweat myself!
32. The teacher instructed us: "Be honest when taking the bus for the spring outing, don't always throw your head and arms out..."
33. My husband is特别 thin. Once I got angry and said: "Husband, look how thin you are, like a pig!"
34. One day I went to buy food at the famous Daqiaodao Food Store in Tianjin. Almost every time I had to buy wife cakes to eat! That day I saw a slightly smaller cake that looked basically the same. But I wasn't sure, so I asked the sales aunt: "Is this a small wife cake??"
As a result, the whole place gave me white eyes
35. My cousin's family runs a kindergarten. Once she had an urgent matter and asked me to help her take care of those children for 1 hour, playing games and telling stories and so on. It was my first time facing more than a dozen children, so I was too nervous and my tongue tied: "Children, today aunt will tell you a story of 'Aladdin' (Aladdin and the Magic Lamp)………”
36.
Concave out
Convex in....
37.
Original broadcast script: Two gangsters injured our 110 police officers and then fled
The announcer read it as: Two gangsters injured 110 police officers and then fled
(Descendant of Huang Feihong??!)
38.
When I was in high school, I was in the same class as my younger brother, and he sat behind me
One night our geography teacher asked us:
Who is the sister? Who is the brother?
I was stunned at that time
39.
Once I bought cold noodles back to the dormitory and went to other dorms for a walk. When I came back, I found my roommates were eating my cold noodles.
When they saw me come back, one of them said to me: Why did you just come back? The cold noodles are all cold!
40.
That day I wanted to drink soda. I hurried to the cold drink stall and wanted to say to buy a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw beer in front of me. In a hurry, I said: "Boss, give me a bottle of fart water" The boss………………
41.
Just now a colleague asked while reading the newspaper "What was the score of China's win yesterday, 1 to how much?"
China only had 1, Singapore couldn't be negative either
42. There was a game on the Famicom called Red Dead Revolver, and we usually called it Red Dead Pimp Revolver
43. There was a commentator: Break out of Asia, break out of the world!
44. Once, I quarreled with my husband. He called me: "Pig!" I called him: "You are the husband of a pig... " After scolding, I really felt like a pig.
45. One of our colleagues, when he took the driver's license exam, said a classic sentence to the examiner:
Report the instrument, the examiner is normal~~~~~~
46. I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister. When queuing, I heard her muttering, a chicken leg burger, a pair of chicken wings...... Finally it was her turn. As soon as she spoke, everyone laughed out loud. She originally wanted to say "Miss, give me a chicken leg burger", but the words came out as "Little leg, give me a burger"
47. College classmates had a gathering in the forest park. When it was time to eat, two boys volunteered to go to the grocery store to buy beer. The monitor wanted to remind them to buy canned beer. Maybe because they had been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted: "The beer should be Iraqi~~~"
We all fell down, and the two boys went crazy...
48. MM told me that KFC had a new "bone and flesh connected" (the meat skewer has crisp bones). She wanted me to take her to eat it. Those days it was extremely hot in Beijing. I was dizzy. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC小姐: Please give me two "bloody and mushy", thank you!.............
Ashamed to the core-_-!
49. Once, my classmate asked me which department another classmate was in the hospital. I couldn't remember clearly. I thought it was like both internal medicine and acupuncture department, so I said she was in the "guilt department".
50.
A boy saw his uncle: "Buy uncle, two dishes!"
Uncle: "This child, you're so big, you can't even speak properly!"
51.
When I joined the Communist Youth League in school, there were only me and another girl (who was really bad-looking). When our league secretary was hosting, he didn't hesitate to say: "Today is a happy day for the two classmates……" The other classmates laughed heartily.
52.
A very shy male classmate went to the cafeteria to buy breakfast. The master in the window asked him: "What do you want?" He lowered his head and said: "I want……I want……one bun and one bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked: "What do you want? Say it again!" "I want one bun and one bun……Oh. No! One bun and one bread!"
53. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me about a question and was at a disadvantage for a while. In a hurry, he slapped the table and stood up and shouted: "You're talking nonsense, I'm not stupid!"
54. Once my sister introduced a piece of music to me. She said it was called "The Maiden's Panties", and I was surprised. I took the CD and saw it was "The Maiden's Prayer"……
55. The primary school teacher "comforted" our nervous mood before the open class and said: "Everyone don't be nervous. Don't look around when you enter the classroom. The people sitting台下 are all people, all with two noses and one eye!"
56.
English class, teacher: "good morning, teacher!"
Student: "good morning, student!"
The whole class burst into laughter.
57. A classmate called his friend's house. The friend's grandpa answered. The classmate didn't know what he was thinking and blurted out: "Grandpa, I'm grandma……" Suddenly he realized it was wrong and hung up the phone with a thud……
58. My sister and I were playing at home when we were young. She pretended to be a knight-errant, very alertly listening to the outside with her ears up, then looked at me with a vigilant face and said: "Hey, something's wrong, big head!"
59. I have been very busy at work all the time. On Valentine's Day, I got off work relatively late. I hurried to buy flowers. My wife was cooking at home waiting for me. She called and asked me when I would be home. I lied to my wife that it would take a long time. I heard she hung up not very happily. I thought to myself, give you a surprise…… I bought flowers, then hurriedly went to buy chocolate, then hurriedly went to hail a taxi. It took a long time to hail one. Finally found a car, arrived home, hurriedly went up the stairs, quietly opened the door, saw my wife in the kitchen, my heart was warm for a moment, all of a sudden, I jumped over, raised the flowers, and said to my wife with some trembling and affectionately……
……Merry Christmas!!!!!
60. Alas, after reading this post, I sprayed the keyboard into the water again...
2. A colleague I wasn't familiar with was chatting with me, and the content was extremely boring, just talking about how he and his girlfriend were, how they were... I had nothing to say,,,,, After he talked for a long time, he looked at me,,,,, Maybe he meant that I should express my opinion after he said so,,,,, For a moment,, I really didn't know what to say, and blurted out a sentence: Is your girlfriend a woman? I was really ashamed for a long time!!!!
3. When the history teacher was talking about the ancient Babylonian civilization in junior high school, when he讲到 the Sumerians, he excitedly said "and the Shuer people in the two rivers region", and most of the class burst into laughter on the spot
4. We went to buy guokui (a kind of pancake) to eat. A certain man went up to the boss: "Boss, two steel helmets!"
(Good teeth, good appetite, eat everything with relish... )
5. There was a classmate named Huang Jiajian in high school. One day he didn't come to class. After the head teacher entered the classroom and saw his seat empty, he asked: "Yi, Huang Jiajian, where is he?" The whole class laughed, and later they all called him "Huang Jiajian the Jerk".
6. Once when the teacher was distributing papers in an exam, the girl behind took one more paper and shouted "Teacher, I have it, I have it" Then the boy sitting next to her said "It's mine, it's mine" The whole class was extremely embarrassed~~~
7. Two years ago, I was working in the factory. One day I went to the branch factory to handle things with my master (actually just one year older than me). The material clerk was a sister in her forties, surnamed Dong. After handling the things, my master was very polite and wanted to say: "Sister Dong, let's go." But it came out as: "Understood."
8. Another time, I went to buy breakfast. When I was in the queue, I found that the usually serious boss was also in the queue, so I was very nervous. After greeting him, I mustered up the courage to say to the cook: "Master, please give me a cup of buns, two breasts!"~
~~~~Wu~~ The first time in two years I heard the boss laugh so loudly~~~ Depressed~~~
9. A friend's child was half a year old. I called to show concern. After exchanging a few pleasantries, I said: "Does your child now drink mother's milk or your milk"
10. One evening, I met an acquaintance and blurted out: "Good morning"...
11. At night, a roommate entered the room and announced loudly: "Today I watched the midnight version of The Ring!"
12. That day I went to buy watermelons and heard someone asking the watermelon seller: Does your watermelon have a rind?
13. A farmer was drying wheat in the yard. Several chickens came to peck at the food. The farmer swept, the chickens scratched. He swept again and they scratched again. He couldn't bear it anymore and cursed: "You bad things, I scratch, you sweep, I scratch, you sweep."
14. One day I went shopping and had to urinate urgently. I saw an internet cafe ahead and rushed in shouting at the internet cafe manager: Where is the toilet in your toilet?
15. When buying food in the cafeteria, I saw the bean curd skin I had long admired. In excitement, I said to the waiter: Give me a portion of potato skin, which surprised everyone around.
16. Due to a business trip opportunity, I had to go to the Bank of China in a certain place to repair equipment. After coming out of the hotel and getting into a taxi, I said to the female driver: "Go to the Bank of China, and by the way find a hardware store to buy a knife" Sweat! At that time, I meant to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice I said it wrong. Then the female driver kept looking at me very wronged and said: "Brother, I'm off work. You take another taxi." At that time I was very angry and said fiercely: "You're off work, why did you park the car at the hotel!?" The female driver looked at me and was about to collapse and said: "Brother, I won't charge you for the car after buying the knife. You find another one." Wow! Then I realized I said it wrong and quickly explained for a long time. Now thinking about it, I really feel sorry for that female driver.
17. Once the political teacher was giving a lecture and said: "Next I will give an example", then he felt it was wrong and said: "Make an example"
18. I remember in Han Wu Da Di (The Emperor Han Wu),
After Zhang Qian came back from the Western Regions, he brought new iron-making materials
He炼 out a good sword, and Emperor Wu of Han gave it to Li Guang
Li Guang kept repeating:
Your Majesty, good sword (jian), Your Majesty, good sword (jian) Ah ……
Speechless……
19. Really a good donkey is regarded as heart, liver and lungs
20. When I was in junior high school, the teacher asked to translate Who is this man?
A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed, and the teacher was speechless
21. Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the clerk: Give me a pack of potato chips. He said they didn't have any. I said, What kind of store doesn't even have potato chips, then turned around and left...
22. In the mid-term exam, there was a pen bag in the shape of pants on the desk of the girl behind me. When I turned my head, the pen bag fell, and I said: "MM, your pants are down"
23. I remember encountering a dog on the road, and the girl next to me exclaimed in surprise: Ya, that tail doesn't have a dog!!
23. Sunbathing the buttocks
24. I remember when I was a child, I went to buy the round plastic bullets for the toy gun. I directly said to the old grandpa in the toy store: Buy a pack of original (round) bullets!
25. A classmate was explaining how to dial a certain inquiry number to me.
I wanted to ask if the person answering the phone was a real person or a voice, but I said it as: "Is the person answering the phone a living person or a dead person?"
26. Carrying a lot of things and my gg were looking for a luggage storage place at the train station.
An approaching policeman, my gg immediately stepped forward and asked very politely: "Excuse me, where is the burying bag place?"
27. During a political class, when talking about Sino-Japanese political issues, it dragged on and on to the samurai's seppuku in Japan.
The teacher introduced: "Japanese samurais all had caesarean sections before death~~~"
28. Once I called a client surnamed Wang. The operator who answered the call was a sweet-voiced MM. She told me his extension number. I didn't know whether the client surnamed Wang was male or female, so I casually asked: "Excuse me, is he Mr. Male or Ms. Female?"
29. During college, a classmate of mine just bought a mobile phone and activated a China Mobile card. He called 1860 customer service to inquire. In excitement, he said: "Excuse me, your local mobile band service..." From the speakerphone, we actually heard the operator小姐 politely say: Our local mobile band service... The whole dormitory burst into laughter
30. In the third year of college, my classmate went to work in a fish-selling mall during National Day. The customer picked out the fish he wanted. My classmate very gently pointed at the fish-killing platform and said to him:
"You go over, someone will kill you..."
31. Yesterday someone said he was going to introduce a girlfriend to me. I本来 wanted to ask "Is she beautiful", but I said "Is she cheap". Sweat myself!
32. The teacher instructed us: "Be honest when taking the bus for the spring outing, don't always throw your head and arms out..."
33. My husband is特别 thin. Once I got angry and said: "Husband, look how thin you are, like a pig!"
34. One day I went to buy food at the famous Daqiaodao Food Store in Tianjin. Almost every time I had to buy wife cakes to eat! That day I saw a slightly smaller cake that looked basically the same. But I wasn't sure, so I asked the sales aunt: "Is this a small wife cake??"
As a result, the whole place gave me white eyes
35. My cousin's family runs a kindergarten. Once she had an urgent matter and asked me to help her take care of those children for 1 hour, playing games and telling stories and so on. It was my first time facing more than a dozen children, so I was too nervous and my tongue tied: "Children, today aunt will tell you a story of 'Aladdin' (Aladdin and the Magic Lamp)………”
36.
Concave out
Convex in....
37.
Original broadcast script: Two gangsters injured our 110 police officers and then fled
The announcer read it as: Two gangsters injured 110 police officers and then fled
(Descendant of Huang Feihong??!)
38.
When I was in high school, I was in the same class as my younger brother, and he sat behind me
One night our geography teacher asked us:
Who is the sister? Who is the brother?
I was stunned at that time
39.
Once I bought cold noodles back to the dormitory and went to other dorms for a walk. When I came back, I found my roommates were eating my cold noodles.
When they saw me come back, one of them said to me: Why did you just come back? The cold noodles are all cold!
40.
That day I wanted to drink soda. I hurried to the cold drink stall and wanted to say to buy a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw beer in front of me. In a hurry, I said: "Boss, give me a bottle of fart water" The boss………………
41.
Just now a colleague asked while reading the newspaper "What was the score of China's win yesterday, 1 to how much?"
China only had 1, Singapore couldn't be negative either
42. There was a game on the Famicom called Red Dead Revolver, and we usually called it Red Dead Pimp Revolver
43. There was a commentator: Break out of Asia, break out of the world!
44. Once, I quarreled with my husband. He called me: "Pig!" I called him: "You are the husband of a pig... " After scolding, I really felt like a pig.
45. One of our colleagues, when he took the driver's license exam, said a classic sentence to the examiner:
Report the instrument, the examiner is normal~~~~~~
46. I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister. When queuing, I heard her muttering, a chicken leg burger, a pair of chicken wings...... Finally it was her turn. As soon as she spoke, everyone laughed out loud. She originally wanted to say "Miss, give me a chicken leg burger", but the words came out as "Little leg, give me a burger"
47. College classmates had a gathering in the forest park. When it was time to eat, two boys volunteered to go to the grocery store to buy beer. The monitor wanted to remind them to buy canned beer. Maybe because they had been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted: "The beer should be Iraqi~~~"
We all fell down, and the two boys went crazy...
48. MM told me that KFC had a new "bone and flesh connected" (the meat skewer has crisp bones). She wanted me to take her to eat it. Those days it was extremely hot in Beijing. I was dizzy. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC小姐: Please give me two "bloody and mushy", thank you!.............
Ashamed to the core-_-!
49. Once, my classmate asked me which department another classmate was in the hospital. I couldn't remember clearly. I thought it was like both internal medicine and acupuncture department, so I said she was in the "guilt department".
50.
A boy saw his uncle: "Buy uncle, two dishes!"
Uncle: "This child, you're so big, you can't even speak properly!"
51.
When I joined the Communist Youth League in school, there were only me and another girl (who was really bad-looking). When our league secretary was hosting, he didn't hesitate to say: "Today is a happy day for the two classmates……" The other classmates laughed heartily.
52.
A very shy male classmate went to the cafeteria to buy breakfast. The master in the window asked him: "What do you want?" He lowered his head and said: "I want……I want……one bun and one bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked: "What do you want? Say it again!" "I want one bun and one bun……Oh. No! One bun and one bread!"
53. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me about a question and was at a disadvantage for a while. In a hurry, he slapped the table and stood up and shouted: "You're talking nonsense, I'm not stupid!"
54. Once my sister introduced a piece of music to me. She said it was called "The Maiden's Panties", and I was surprised. I took the CD and saw it was "The Maiden's Prayer"……
55. The primary school teacher "comforted" our nervous mood before the open class and said: "Everyone don't be nervous. Don't look around when you enter the classroom. The people sitting台下 are all people, all with two noses and one eye!"
56.
English class, teacher: "good morning, teacher!"
Student: "good morning, student!"
The whole class burst into laughter.
57. A classmate called his friend's house. The friend's grandpa answered. The classmate didn't know what he was thinking and blurted out: "Grandpa, I'm grandma……" Suddenly he realized it was wrong and hung up the phone with a thud……
58. My sister and I were playing at home when we were young. She pretended to be a knight-errant, very alertly listening to the outside with her ears up, then looked at me with a vigilant face and said: "Hey, something's wrong, big head!"
59. I have been very busy at work all the time. On Valentine's Day, I got off work relatively late. I hurried to buy flowers. My wife was cooking at home waiting for me. She called and asked me when I would be home. I lied to my wife that it would take a long time. I heard she hung up not very happily. I thought to myself, give you a surprise…… I bought flowers, then hurriedly went to buy chocolate, then hurriedly went to hail a taxi. It took a long time to hail one. Finally found a car, arrived home, hurriedly went up the stairs, quietly opened the door, saw my wife in the kitchen, my heart was warm for a moment, all of a sudden, I jumped over, raised the flowers, and said to my wife with some trembling and affectionately……
……Merry Christmas!!!!!
60. Alas, after reading this post, I sprayed the keyboard into the water again...
阿祥~
