My joke collection:
Sunday night, I was playing mahjong with Gufeng, Chunxiao, and the others. I had good luck that round, so I said, “I’m waiting on a winning tile, don’t discard into my hand.” Gufeng wouldn’t accept it. “I don’t believe it. You won’t let me discard? I’m gonna discard, I’m gonna discard!!” And then three guys in white masks rushed out from under the mahjong table and dragged him away!
Last Sunday, a classmate of mine came over to our place. He saw a string of firecrackers we’d hidden away since Spring Festival and insisted on setting them off. I tried to talk him out of it: “It’s not New Year’s, not a holiday, what are you setting those off for?” He refused. With a cigarette butt in one hand and my firecrackers in the other, he yelled at me, “For all these years I’ve never gotten to set them off at Spring Festival! You won’t let me light firecrackers? I’m gonna light them! I’m gonna light them!” And then three guys in white masks burst in from outside our door and hauled him away!
Monday, we had mosquitoes in the house at night. Bzz bzz bzz, so noisy nobody could sleep. My girlfriend went crazy and dug out a coil of mosquito incense from the cupboards. I tried to stop her: “It’s only April, why would we need that stuff already?” She refused. While sticking the mosquito coil in place and looking around for a lighter, she shouted at me, “They’re keeping me awake! You won’t let me light mosquito incense? I’m gonna light it! I’m gonna light it!” And then three guys in white masks crawled out from under our bed and took her away!
Tuesday, I took a client out for dinner, and that bastard absolutely had to order hairy crab! I tried to persuade him: “It’s not the season for that yet, they’re not fat yet!” He refused. Flipping through the menu with one hand and picking his teeth with the other, he shouted at me, “I’ve never eaten that before! You won’t let me order hairy crab? I’m gonna order it! I’m gonna order it!!” And then three guys in white masks popped up out of the soup bowl and dragged him away!
Wednesday, I went to my on-the-job MBA class. Probably because too few people had shown up, the teacher was a little angry and wanted to check attendance. I was sitting in the front row and quietly tried to reason with him: “Teacher, it’s not that everybody doesn’t want to come, it’s just that too many people are getting sick these days!” He refused. While banging the desk and grabbing the attendance sheet, he shouted at me, “In all these years I’ve never seen such an undisciplined class! You won’t let me call roll? I’m gonna call it! I’m gonna call it!!” And then three guys in white masks crawled out of the podium and hauled him away!
Thursday, I was at home surfing the net with my country cousin. He saw a banner ad for a porn site on some website and wanted to follow the link to that XXX site to broaden his horizons. I advised him: “Those sites are just full of flesh everywhere, nothing special!” He refused. Staring at the screen with one hand and grabbing for the mouse with the other, he yelled at me, “You’re sick of it because you’ve been there already, but I ain’t never seen it! You won’t let me click? I’m gonna click! I’m gonna click!!” And then three guys in white masks rushed out from under the computer desk and dragged him away!
Friday, I went with our finance girl to the bank to make a withdrawal. We took out 100,000 yuan, but she still wasn’t at ease and insisted on counting every bill one by one. I tried to stop her: “There are too many people watching here, if somebody sets their eyes on us, we’ll be in trouble!” She refused. While pulling out the money and spitting into her palm, she shouted at me, “What if there’s one bill missing—are you gonna make it up to me? You won’t let me count it clearly? I’m gonna count it! I’m gonna count it!!” And then three guys in white masks got spat out of the ATM and carried her off!
Saturday, I went with my dad to the pharmacy to get some medicine, and we saw an old Chinese doctor with a white beard seeing patients. My dad had a stiff neck that day and wanted the old doctor to take a look. The old fellow squinted and felt my dad’s pulse for ages, then said one of his acupuncture points was blocked and he needed to open it up. I told my dad: “This old Chinese doctor sounds unreliable, don’t end up adding more problems!” He refused. While taking off his shirt and turning his neck, he shouted at me, “What the hell do you know! You won’t let me get my acupoints treated? I’m gonna get them treated! I’m gonna get them treated!!” And then three guys in white masks jumped out of the medicine box and dragged my dad away!
This Sunday, I went to Cashbox with my coworker and his girlfriend. Once the singing started, he absolutely had to sing a Sun Nan song. I tried to talk him out of it: “Your voice doesn’t go that high, don’t embarrass yourself in front of your girlfriend!” He refused. While flipping through the songbook and grabbing the microphone, he shouted at me, “How do you know I can’t sing it?! You won’t let me pick it? I’m gonna pick it! I’m gonna pick it!!” And then three guys in white masks exploded out of the TV and hauled him away!
So now there’s a new popular greeting going around... Have you hit the boiling point today?
Sunday night, I was playing mahjong with Gufeng, Chunxiao, and the others. I had good luck that round, so I said, “I’m waiting on a winning tile, don’t discard into my hand.” Gufeng wouldn’t accept it. “I don’t believe it. You won’t let me discard? I’m gonna discard, I’m gonna discard!!” And then three guys in white masks rushed out from under the mahjong table and dragged him away!
Last Sunday, a classmate of mine came over to our place. He saw a string of firecrackers we’d hidden away since Spring Festival and insisted on setting them off. I tried to talk him out of it: “It’s not New Year’s, not a holiday, what are you setting those off for?” He refused. With a cigarette butt in one hand and my firecrackers in the other, he yelled at me, “For all these years I’ve never gotten to set them off at Spring Festival! You won’t let me light firecrackers? I’m gonna light them! I’m gonna light them!” And then three guys in white masks burst in from outside our door and hauled him away!
Monday, we had mosquitoes in the house at night. Bzz bzz bzz, so noisy nobody could sleep. My girlfriend went crazy and dug out a coil of mosquito incense from the cupboards. I tried to stop her: “It’s only April, why would we need that stuff already?” She refused. While sticking the mosquito coil in place and looking around for a lighter, she shouted at me, “They’re keeping me awake! You won’t let me light mosquito incense? I’m gonna light it! I’m gonna light it!” And then three guys in white masks crawled out from under our bed and took her away!
Tuesday, I took a client out for dinner, and that bastard absolutely had to order hairy crab! I tried to persuade him: “It’s not the season for that yet, they’re not fat yet!” He refused. Flipping through the menu with one hand and picking his teeth with the other, he shouted at me, “I’ve never eaten that before! You won’t let me order hairy crab? I’m gonna order it! I’m gonna order it!!” And then three guys in white masks popped up out of the soup bowl and dragged him away!
Wednesday, I went to my on-the-job MBA class. Probably because too few people had shown up, the teacher was a little angry and wanted to check attendance. I was sitting in the front row and quietly tried to reason with him: “Teacher, it’s not that everybody doesn’t want to come, it’s just that too many people are getting sick these days!” He refused. While banging the desk and grabbing the attendance sheet, he shouted at me, “In all these years I’ve never seen such an undisciplined class! You won’t let me call roll? I’m gonna call it! I’m gonna call it!!” And then three guys in white masks crawled out of the podium and hauled him away!
Thursday, I was at home surfing the net with my country cousin. He saw a banner ad for a porn site on some website and wanted to follow the link to that XXX site to broaden his horizons. I advised him: “Those sites are just full of flesh everywhere, nothing special!” He refused. Staring at the screen with one hand and grabbing for the mouse with the other, he yelled at me, “You’re sick of it because you’ve been there already, but I ain’t never seen it! You won’t let me click? I’m gonna click! I’m gonna click!!” And then three guys in white masks rushed out from under the computer desk and dragged him away!
Friday, I went with our finance girl to the bank to make a withdrawal. We took out 100,000 yuan, but she still wasn’t at ease and insisted on counting every bill one by one. I tried to stop her: “There are too many people watching here, if somebody sets their eyes on us, we’ll be in trouble!” She refused. While pulling out the money and spitting into her palm, she shouted at me, “What if there’s one bill missing—are you gonna make it up to me? You won’t let me count it clearly? I’m gonna count it! I’m gonna count it!!” And then three guys in white masks got spat out of the ATM and carried her off!
Saturday, I went with my dad to the pharmacy to get some medicine, and we saw an old Chinese doctor with a white beard seeing patients. My dad had a stiff neck that day and wanted the old doctor to take a look. The old fellow squinted and felt my dad’s pulse for ages, then said one of his acupuncture points was blocked and he needed to open it up. I told my dad: “This old Chinese doctor sounds unreliable, don’t end up adding more problems!” He refused. While taking off his shirt and turning his neck, he shouted at me, “What the hell do you know! You won’t let me get my acupoints treated? I’m gonna get them treated! I’m gonna get them treated!!” And then three guys in white masks jumped out of the medicine box and dragged my dad away!
This Sunday, I went to Cashbox with my coworker and his girlfriend. Once the singing started, he absolutely had to sing a Sun Nan song. I tried to talk him out of it: “Your voice doesn’t go that high, don’t embarrass yourself in front of your girlfriend!” He refused. While flipping through the songbook and grabbing the microphone, he shouted at me, “How do you know I can’t sing it?! You won’t let me pick it? I’m gonna pick it! I’m gonna pick it!!” And then three guys in white masks exploded out of the TV and hauled him away!
So now there’s a new popular greeting going around... Have you hit the boiling point today?
C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++
C++ ☆☆☆ 中国ＤＯＳ联盟成员 ☆☆☆ C++
C++ ★★★ 爱提问的红色狂想 ★★★ C++
C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++
C++ ☆☆☆ 中国ＤＯＳ联盟成员 ☆☆☆ C++
C++ ★★★ 爱提问的红色狂想 ★★★ C++
C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++C++
