China DOS Union

An imitation: thirty-six “isn’t it a joy”s of not having a girlfriend
Preface

In the beginning, Jin Shengtan wrote the marvelous piece <>, and people like Liang Shiqiu and Li Ao all competed to imitate it. Their banter and wit, refined elegance and humor, fully expressed the joys and sorrows of us men. So I found it wonderful, and secretly felt I deeply understood the way of it. Thus I followed those two pieces and made this for my own amusement; may none laugh at it.

Main text

First, no need to be like the deskmate, secretly reading romance novels in class every day and racking one’s brains over the secrets of the love battlefield—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to be called in by the homeroom teacher for a “heart-to-heart talk”—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to ask the computer to ghostwrite because one’s handwriting is too ugly when writing love letters—isn’t it a joy!
First, one can curse the “Four Heavenly Kings” as pretty-boy cream puffs, sycophants, and idiots, without suffering the “roar of the Hedong lion”—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to worry about being late for a date and not finding an excuse—isn’t it a joy!
First, one can happily join “comrades” in fiercely denouncing the “rise of women’s rights,” loudly sing of the “restoration of male rights,” and hang “Brothers are like hands and feet, wives are like clothes” by the bedside to show one’s resolve—isn’t it a joy!
First, one can leave one’s hair unwashed, nails untrimmed, beard unshaved, and indulge in being a “Xinjiang person”—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to accompany one’s girlfriend to sappy romance movies and dab saliva on one’s face to show how deeply moved one is—isn’t it a joy!
First, playing basketball, sweating all over, stinking to high heaven, yet not getting “the white eye”—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need for “wherever my girlfriend goes, I go too”; one can “go my own way and let the bastards talk!”—isn’t it a joy!
First, the monthly phone bill can be saved—isn’t it a joy!
First, a budget deficit will never appear—isn’t it a joy!
First, one can fart freely anytime, anywhere! Isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to eat the “crystal meat slices” given by one’s girlfriend at lunch—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to worry about dieting; one can stick out the big belly and eat heartily to one’s content—isn’t it a joy!
First, on Saturdays and Sundays there is no need to go out with one’s girlfriend; one can sleep in at home—isn’t it a joy!
First, at Christmas one can receive cards from girls or give cards to girls, make them as mushy as one likes, and not suffer “detention pending trial”—isn’t it a joy!
First, when singing pop songs—loving to death, loving for ten thousand years—one can make several girls misunderstand, while I sit steady as Mount Tai and coldly watch the battle—isn’t it a joy!
First, I can watch others fall in love and suffer hardship, while I talk grandly of the profound principles of “form and emptiness” and “cleansing the heart,” and enjoy being dashing and carefree—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need for “success in love, failure in exams,” with one’s scores the same color as the national flag—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to chew gum every day; one can eat “stir-fried onion with meat slices”—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to go dating, leave early and return late, make an appointment with the girlfriend and then another with the stars—isn’t it a joy!
First, if some strong fellow courts one’s girlfriend, no need to answer him with one’s fists—isn’t it a joy!
First, no need to endure the girlfriend’s little sisters gossiping, “Aiyo, not very handsome; aiyo, too dumb, aiyo...” —isn’t it a joy!
First, one can let the teacher think I am a good student who abides by <>—isn’t it a joy!
First, one can style oneself a bachelor, come and go alone, and put on a deep air—isn’t it a joy!

Makes sense, good post!