First Love Lover's Breasts
Actually, strictly speaking, she isn't really my first love because we never dated; I just had a secret crush on her.
I
That year I was 18, a freshman at a very famous university in Beijing.
Growing up in the countryside, when I first arrived in the capital, I felt a sense of inferiority when I saw other classmates—proud boys and pretty girls. So I rarely interacted with others.
Then she entered my life. She wasn't extremely beautiful, but she was definitely a beauty. Her long, smooth, flowing hair, her slender and tall figure—wherever she went, she was the center of attention. What attracted people most was her plump breasts, firm and solid. She had a generous, cheerful personality, was very considerate, gentle and lovely yet not lacking in strength. Moreover, she was an excellent student and the study minister of the department's student union. There were as many boys chasing her as there were frogs in summer nights, countless.
Girls like her were generally not something I would court. I had no money and wasn't handsome; I couldn't afford to惹 her.
We usually studied in the amphitheater at night, with no fixed seats. She always took the initiative to sit next to me and started chatting with me for no reason. At first I ignored her, but she didn't mind at all and still asked me questions. Eventually I had to respond, and we gradually got to know each other and talked more.
Once she asked me, "You don't interact with others. Is it because you have some inferiority complex?"
I said yes.
She said, "Then I'll train you to make you confident, okay?"
I said okay.
She said, "The first step, look into my eyes."
I said no way?
She said, "If you don't dare to look into the other person's eyes when speaking, others will immediately know you're guilty."
So I boldly looked into her eyes.
Her eyes were really beautiful, big, clear, watery. Although she wore highly myopic glasses, it didn't detract from her beauty at all.
I only looked for less than 5 seconds and then felt guilty, moving my gaze downward.
But then I saw her more beautiful breasts.
My face turned red in an instant.
She didn't notice that I had looked at her breasts and said, "Look at you, so timid."
So I mustered the courage to look at her again.
With her help, I quickly became more cheerful, and classmates no longer treated me as an "outsider". I truly integrated into the class, my academic performance soared, and I even won first prize in the campus essay contest.
Of course, the one most delighted about all this was her, because her efforts had paid off.
But I knew I had fallen in love with her. I felt listless if I didn't talk to her for a day.
She was from Beijing and had to go home every weekend. So weekends became the days I most hated.
I knew she had sensed my feelings for her. Because on the surface, she was nice to every boy, as if she got along well with everyone, and I was just one of them. But she laughed the most and talked the most with me, and every Sunday afternoon when she came back from home, she would bring me some food, which made me feel happy and made other boys jealous.
II
Before I knew it, winter vacation was approaching.
I wouldn't be able to see her for a month during winter vacation, and I didn't know how I would spend this vacation; I just hoped time would slow down.
But time still passed quickly day by day, and winter vacation finally arrived.
Although my parents missed me very much, they still wrote to ask me not to go back, and I didn't plan to. Because the money for buying a train ticket was equivalent to two months of my living expenses.
Near the New Year, many migrant workers returned to their hometowns. I found a job at a construction site about an hour's drive from the school, picking bricks and guarding materials. I lived in the worker's shed at night. The wage was calculated by the day, 20 yuan per day, and three meals were provided. I was very content because I could earn 600 yuan during the whole winter vacation, and my living expenses for the next semester wouldn't need to be sent by my family.
Winter in Beijing was really cold.
Winter in my hometown was also cold, but after all, it was in the south, and I could just thicken the quilt.
But in Beijing, it wasn't the case. At night, the worker's shed was like an ice cave. I didn't dare to make a fire because I was the only one in the shed, and I was afraid of having a safety accident if I fell asleep. It was hard to fall asleep, and I could only barely doze off to make do.
On the 28th day of the twelfth lunar month. Morning.
I was picking up a load of bricks as usual. As soon as I straightened up, I saw her.
She and her parents were carrying a lot of vegetables; they must be shopping for New Year's goods.
She also saw me and was very surprised.
We looked at each other for two seconds.
I lowered my head and continued working.
She called out to me: "You..."
I smiled bitterly: "I'm earning living expenses."
She pulled me up without a word: "Go to my house to take a hot shower and change into a set of my father's clothes. Look at you, covered in dust."
Her determination made it impossible for me to refuse, so I went.
It turned out her house was nearby. When entering the courtyard, I noticed it was a department with quite a bit of power. A person coming from the opposite side greeted her father very respectfully, "Hello, Director Zhao." When he saw that I was walking with them, he looked at me in surprise. Her mother said behind her, "The sewer in our house is blocked, so we're finding someone to fix it."
I just felt my head go "bang". I turned around and started walking back. Behind me came the sound of her and her mother arguing.
I was poor, but I had pride.
That night, I sat in the quilt, thinking about what happened during the day, and I was in a bad mood. So I picked up my beloved erhu and played the bitter "Erquan Yingyue". (I forgot to mention that I learned the erhu from my father and especially liked "Erquan Yingyue".)
After the piece ended, someone applauded: "I just found out today that you have this unique skill."
She was standing at the shed entrance with a big bag in her hand: "Aren't you going to invite me in?"
I looked at her coldly.
She walked in by herself, took off her shoes, and sat down in the quilt too. "I brought a few old clothes of my father's. I hope you don't dislike them. I apologize for what happened during the day. Also, here's 400 yuan, which is the New Year's money I give you."
I said, "I don't want your pity and charity. I live well in my own world in my own way; don't you need to interfere."
She said, "I really want to help you, and I have no intention of looking down on you. You have to believe me. You used to be introverted, and I helped you become cheerful. Now you're living such a hard life, and I want to help you get through this difficult time."
I looked at her.
She also looked at me.
We just looked at each other like this for as long as 5 minutes.
Although there was only a 25-watt bulb in the worker's shed, the sincerity on her face was truly reflected in my eyes.
A thought arose in my heart.
I suddenly turned her body over and pinned her down, roughly grabbing her breasts with one hand.
She was stunned for a moment, maybe she didn't react immediately, but then she pushed me away, and then a loud slap landed on my face.
"Shameless! I really had my eyes wide open!" She tidied herself up and left without looking back.
I knew I was completely over with her, and although I was very reluctant, I felt a sense of relief in my heart.
III
School started again, and everyone gradually returned to campus.
She still interacted with every boy, except me. At night for self-study, she also sat far away.
Classmates also noticed this and asked me the reason, but I didn't answer.
Days passed in this cold atmosphere for three years, three years during which I endured suffering every day. Watching her laugh and chat with other classmates as if nothing had happened, my heart ached from time to time. So I studied even harder, but the highest scholarship couldn't ease my pain at all.
I knew I loved her deeply, but I wasn't worthy. I thought only graduation would relieve this pain.
And in her eyes, I was like a transparent person; her gaze never lingered on me.
Until one day...
By then it was already summer, and there was about a month left before graduation. Our dormitory always had the tradition of "bedtime chats". That day, a friend who was usually on good terms with me mentioned her "those breasts, tsk tsk, I really want to take a bite." The expression on his face was as if he had really taken a bite. I pounced on him and gave him a hard punch.
The next day, both of us had bruised and swollen faces and went to class. The whole class knew the reason for the fight. That night, in the amphitheater, she sat next to me again, staring at me without speaking. Although we hadn't looked at each other for three years, I still read her gaze; she was asking. I said, "Because I don't want others to insult you."
She said, "Then why did you insult me yourself back then?"
I just felt my blood rush to my head, and the words I had buried in my heart for three years finally blurted out: "Because I didn't want you to waste your youth on me. I'm not worthy of you; we're from two different worlds. Although I like you, I'm going back after graduation and can't stay in Beijing. But you're different; you should have a better future."
"Then you used this method to make me hate you?" She looked at me.
I also looked at her: "Yes."
We looked at each other again.
After a long time, she tilted her face up, but tears still fell.
I packed up my books and walked out of the amphitheater. I didn't go to self-study again until graduation.
......
On the 28th day of the twelfth lunar month. Morning.
I was preparing breakfast for my daughter as usual.
My phone rang; it was a classmate who stayed in Beijing: "She's getting married today."
I said, "Who's getting married?"
He said, "Who else? She's 32 now, the last one in the class to get married, and she非要 set the wedding date on the 28th day of the twelfth lunar month, it's almost New Year, I don't know what she was thinking."
With a "clang", the spatula in my hand fell to the ground.
My wife's voice came from the living room: "What's wrong?"
I said it was nothing, picked up the spatula, and threw the already burnt egg into the trash bin.
Actually, strictly speaking, she isn't really my first love because we never dated; I just had a secret crush on her.
I
That year I was 18, a freshman at a very famous university in Beijing.
Growing up in the countryside, when I first arrived in the capital, I felt a sense of inferiority when I saw other classmates—proud boys and pretty girls. So I rarely interacted with others.
Then she entered my life. She wasn't extremely beautiful, but she was definitely a beauty. Her long, smooth, flowing hair, her slender and tall figure—wherever she went, she was the center of attention. What attracted people most was her plump breasts, firm and solid. She had a generous, cheerful personality, was very considerate, gentle and lovely yet not lacking in strength. Moreover, she was an excellent student and the study minister of the department's student union. There were as many boys chasing her as there were frogs in summer nights, countless.
Girls like her were generally not something I would court. I had no money and wasn't handsome; I couldn't afford to惹 her.
We usually studied in the amphitheater at night, with no fixed seats. She always took the initiative to sit next to me and started chatting with me for no reason. At first I ignored her, but she didn't mind at all and still asked me questions. Eventually I had to respond, and we gradually got to know each other and talked more.
Once she asked me, "You don't interact with others. Is it because you have some inferiority complex?"
I said yes.
She said, "Then I'll train you to make you confident, okay?"
I said okay.
She said, "The first step, look into my eyes."
I said no way?
She said, "If you don't dare to look into the other person's eyes when speaking, others will immediately know you're guilty."
So I boldly looked into her eyes.
Her eyes were really beautiful, big, clear, watery. Although she wore highly myopic glasses, it didn't detract from her beauty at all.
I only looked for less than 5 seconds and then felt guilty, moving my gaze downward.
But then I saw her more beautiful breasts.
My face turned red in an instant.
She didn't notice that I had looked at her breasts and said, "Look at you, so timid."
So I mustered the courage to look at her again.
With her help, I quickly became more cheerful, and classmates no longer treated me as an "outsider". I truly integrated into the class, my academic performance soared, and I even won first prize in the campus essay contest.
Of course, the one most delighted about all this was her, because her efforts had paid off.
But I knew I had fallen in love with her. I felt listless if I didn't talk to her for a day.
She was from Beijing and had to go home every weekend. So weekends became the days I most hated.
I knew she had sensed my feelings for her. Because on the surface, she was nice to every boy, as if she got along well with everyone, and I was just one of them. But she laughed the most and talked the most with me, and every Sunday afternoon when she came back from home, she would bring me some food, which made me feel happy and made other boys jealous.
II
Before I knew it, winter vacation was approaching.
I wouldn't be able to see her for a month during winter vacation, and I didn't know how I would spend this vacation; I just hoped time would slow down.
But time still passed quickly day by day, and winter vacation finally arrived.
Although my parents missed me very much, they still wrote to ask me not to go back, and I didn't plan to. Because the money for buying a train ticket was equivalent to two months of my living expenses.
Near the New Year, many migrant workers returned to their hometowns. I found a job at a construction site about an hour's drive from the school, picking bricks and guarding materials. I lived in the worker's shed at night. The wage was calculated by the day, 20 yuan per day, and three meals were provided. I was very content because I could earn 600 yuan during the whole winter vacation, and my living expenses for the next semester wouldn't need to be sent by my family.
Winter in Beijing was really cold.
Winter in my hometown was also cold, but after all, it was in the south, and I could just thicken the quilt.
But in Beijing, it wasn't the case. At night, the worker's shed was like an ice cave. I didn't dare to make a fire because I was the only one in the shed, and I was afraid of having a safety accident if I fell asleep. It was hard to fall asleep, and I could only barely doze off to make do.
On the 28th day of the twelfth lunar month. Morning.
I was picking up a load of bricks as usual. As soon as I straightened up, I saw her.
She and her parents were carrying a lot of vegetables; they must be shopping for New Year's goods.
She also saw me and was very surprised.
We looked at each other for two seconds.
I lowered my head and continued working.
She called out to me: "You..."
I smiled bitterly: "I'm earning living expenses."
She pulled me up without a word: "Go to my house to take a hot shower and change into a set of my father's clothes. Look at you, covered in dust."
Her determination made it impossible for me to refuse, so I went.
It turned out her house was nearby. When entering the courtyard, I noticed it was a department with quite a bit of power. A person coming from the opposite side greeted her father very respectfully, "Hello, Director Zhao." When he saw that I was walking with them, he looked at me in surprise. Her mother said behind her, "The sewer in our house is blocked, so we're finding someone to fix it."
I just felt my head go "bang". I turned around and started walking back. Behind me came the sound of her and her mother arguing.
I was poor, but I had pride.
That night, I sat in the quilt, thinking about what happened during the day, and I was in a bad mood. So I picked up my beloved erhu and played the bitter "Erquan Yingyue". (I forgot to mention that I learned the erhu from my father and especially liked "Erquan Yingyue".)
After the piece ended, someone applauded: "I just found out today that you have this unique skill."
She was standing at the shed entrance with a big bag in her hand: "Aren't you going to invite me in?"
I looked at her coldly.
She walked in by herself, took off her shoes, and sat down in the quilt too. "I brought a few old clothes of my father's. I hope you don't dislike them. I apologize for what happened during the day. Also, here's 400 yuan, which is the New Year's money I give you."
I said, "I don't want your pity and charity. I live well in my own world in my own way; don't you need to interfere."
She said, "I really want to help you, and I have no intention of looking down on you. You have to believe me. You used to be introverted, and I helped you become cheerful. Now you're living such a hard life, and I want to help you get through this difficult time."
I looked at her.
She also looked at me.
We just looked at each other like this for as long as 5 minutes.
Although there was only a 25-watt bulb in the worker's shed, the sincerity on her face was truly reflected in my eyes.
A thought arose in my heart.
I suddenly turned her body over and pinned her down, roughly grabbing her breasts with one hand.
She was stunned for a moment, maybe she didn't react immediately, but then she pushed me away, and then a loud slap landed on my face.
"Shameless! I really had my eyes wide open!" She tidied herself up and left without looking back.
I knew I was completely over with her, and although I was very reluctant, I felt a sense of relief in my heart.
III
School started again, and everyone gradually returned to campus.
She still interacted with every boy, except me. At night for self-study, she also sat far away.
Classmates also noticed this and asked me the reason, but I didn't answer.
Days passed in this cold atmosphere for three years, three years during which I endured suffering every day. Watching her laugh and chat with other classmates as if nothing had happened, my heart ached from time to time. So I studied even harder, but the highest scholarship couldn't ease my pain at all.
I knew I loved her deeply, but I wasn't worthy. I thought only graduation would relieve this pain.
And in her eyes, I was like a transparent person; her gaze never lingered on me.
Until one day...
By then it was already summer, and there was about a month left before graduation. Our dormitory always had the tradition of "bedtime chats". That day, a friend who was usually on good terms with me mentioned her "those breasts, tsk tsk, I really want to take a bite." The expression on his face was as if he had really taken a bite. I pounced on him and gave him a hard punch.
The next day, both of us had bruised and swollen faces and went to class. The whole class knew the reason for the fight. That night, in the amphitheater, she sat next to me again, staring at me without speaking. Although we hadn't looked at each other for three years, I still read her gaze; she was asking. I said, "Because I don't want others to insult you."
She said, "Then why did you insult me yourself back then?"
I just felt my blood rush to my head, and the words I had buried in my heart for three years finally blurted out: "Because I didn't want you to waste your youth on me. I'm not worthy of you; we're from two different worlds. Although I like you, I'm going back after graduation and can't stay in Beijing. But you're different; you should have a better future."
"Then you used this method to make me hate you?" She looked at me.
I also looked at her: "Yes."
We looked at each other again.
After a long time, she tilted her face up, but tears still fell.
I packed up my books and walked out of the amphitheater. I didn't go to self-study again until graduation.
......
On the 28th day of the twelfth lunar month. Morning.
I was preparing breakfast for my daughter as usual.
My phone rang; it was a classmate who stayed in Beijing: "She's getting married today."
I said, "Who's getting married?"
He said, "Who else? She's 32 now, the last one in the class to get married, and she非要 set the wedding date on the 28th day of the twelfth lunar month, it's almost New Year, I don't know what she was thinking."
With a "clang", the spatula in my hand fell to the ground.
My wife's voice came from the living room: "What's wrong?"
I said it was nothing, picked up the spatula, and threw the already burnt egg into the trash bin.
我很笨但我很好学。
