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笑谈武侠: 生活质量问题
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笑谈武侠: 生活质量问题
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http://tech.tom.com 2002年10月18日来源:南方网阿村
《红楼》和《射雕》最大的区别不在于贾宝玉会不会使用降龙十八掌，或者郭靖会不会写得一手好词，而在于贾宝玉比郭靖更要操心没钱花。武侠说里的人都从来没想到如何赚钱，也从来不担心失业什么的，真是令人羡慕。
桃花岛是一个典型的封闭社会，由八个弟子和CEO黄药师经营。但在蓄意的阴谋下，陈玄风与梅超风两个内奸，偷取了桃花岛的技术机密《九阴真经》，准备另立门户，与黄老师抢市场。由于武林代表大会华山会议被无限期搁置，黄先生无法通过正常渠道解决这一问题。虽然多次发出律师函，但都被置之不理。大怒之下，黄先生就解散了经营团队，进入封闭状态。不过，问题就跟着来了。弟子四散后的桃花岛上，大概生活着黄药师父女与不超过五个左右的奴仆，整个桃花岛必须维持十人的生活资源。但问题在于黄师傅发誓不出岛一步，也就是决定了一个闭关锁国的策略，不进行对外贸易。通过正常的推理，黄药师的生存状态应该非常类似于大不列颠人，鲁迅的本家鲁滨逊。再做一个合理的推理，黄蓉应该是吃鱼长大的。当然，小黄吃的鱼很可能是非常高级的石斑鱼，但无论怎样，郭靖第一次见到黄蓉的时候决不会闻到什么淡淡的鱼味，只能是一股淡淡的鱼腥味，很可能小黄身后还跟着一串猫，金庸师傅恐怕是遗漏了这一细节。根据上面的黄猫猫定理，就会发现《射雕》此书中的一个巨大漏洞，黄蓉的烹调技术是无法解释的。当然，她很有可能像我女朋友那样，对着一个微波炉菜谱用功，将之背得烂熟，但关键在于驰不可能有任何实践的机会。比如刀功，掌握火候，以及如何少放味精来减少得癌的机会，黄蓉在那个封闭的环境中都无从锻炼这些技术细节。所以，关于黄蓉用烹调技术来骗取降龙十八掌的说法纯属无稽之谈。尽其所能，她只能给洪老七做一顿全鱼宴。
与桃花岛相近的另一个地方是小龙女的豪宅，有着超级无敌大山景的终南古墓。这是一个更加封闭的生活环境。以前林朝英怎么怎么就不去细究，只是话说小龙女和杨过这一对住进古墓之后，好像就没吃过一顿正经饭 。他们的正餐是蜂蜜。但是很奇怪，什么破蜜蜂一年四季采蜜不停，就算是蜜蜂加班，那被采的花还想休息几个双休日呢。退一步假设，大家可以仅仅吃蜂蜜生存下来，但几年以后，累积的大量糖份将会使这一对变成两个胖子，而且有严重的糖尿病，高血压，严重一些，二十来岁就会有老年痴症的危险。他们的副餐是寒玉床，饿了在上面一躺，很快就会精神奕奕，万物生长。此万年寒玉床大概由海*公司生产，可以保修十年。而小龙女是他们的产品形象代言人，所以先送一部试用。据《神雕》前面介绍，小龙女小的时候，还有一个婆婆负责与外面联络，婆婆死了之后，她和杨过就完全陷入了营养不良的状态。
前面两个例子都过于封闭，还有一个开放团体的例子，《笑傲》中华山派的生活资源问题也值得探讨。从整体来说，这群鸟人过得不错，比如令狐冲在思过崖，陆大有每天送菜送饭，质量还有保证。而且，这群人时不时还能弄些小资情调。比如令狐冲会小资地品洒，能分辩葡萄洒是几蒸几酿的。但是问题在于，华山派的生活经费从何而来？田伯光大鱼大肉我理解的，因为人家去杀去抢，劳动致富。但华山派是典型的不事劳动，只会内斗，天天吃完了饭就想着如何把剑宗弟子杀光，真是很难解释他们的资金从何而来。小资的资又是怎么做到的？看来，整个华山派都应该以收入来源不明罪入狱。
Laughing About Martial Arts: Quality of Life Issues
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http://tech.tom.com October 18, 2002Source: Southern NetA Cun
The biggest difference between *Dream of the Red Chamber* and *The Legend of the Condor Heroes* does not lie in whether Jia Baoyu can use the Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms or whether Guo Jing can write good words, but in that Jia Baoyu is more worried about not having money to spend than Guo Jing. People in martial arts stories never think about how to make money, and never worry about unemployment, etc. It's really enviable.
Taohua Island is a typical closed society, operated by eight disciples and CEO Huang Yaoshi. But under a deliberate conspiracy, the two traitors Chen Xuanfeng and Mei Chaofeng stole the technical secret *The Nine Yin Manual* of Taohua Island and prepared to set up their own business and compete with Teacher Huang for the market. Since the Wulin Conference at Mount Hua was indefinitely postponed, Mr. Huang could not solve this problem through normal channels. Although he sent lawyer letters many times, they were all ignored. In a fit of rage, Mr. Huang disbanded the management team and entered a closed state. However, the problem followed. On Taohua Island after the disciples scattered, there were probably Master Huang Yaoshi and his daughter and no more than five servants. The entire Taohua Island had to maintain the living resources for ten people. But the problem is that Master Huang vowed not to leave the island for a step, that is, decided a strategy of seclusion and non-intercourse, not carrying out foreign trade. Through normal reasoning, Huang Yaoshi's living situation should be very similar to the British and Lu Xun's fellow countryman Robinson Crusoe. Make another reasonable inference, Huang Rong should have grown up eating fish. Of course, the fish that little Huang eats is very likely to be very high-grade grouper, but no matter what, when Guo Jing first met Huang Rong, he would never smell a faint fishy smell, but only a faint fishy smell. It is very likely that little Huang was followed by a string of cats. Master Jin Yong probably omitted this detail. According to the above Huang Cat Theorem, a huge loophole in the book *The Legend of the Condor Heroes* will be found, and Huang Rong's cooking skills are inexplicable. Of course, she is very likely to work hard on a microwave oven recipe like my girlfriend and memorize it, but the key is that Chi can have no practical opportunities. For example, knife skills, mastering the heat, and how to put less monosodium glutamate to reduce the chance of getting cancer, Huang Rong had no way to exercise these technical details in that closed environment. So, the statement that Huang Rong used cooking skills to deceive the Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms is pure nonsense. To the best of her ability, she could only make a whole fish feast for Old Hongqi.
Another place similar to Taohua Island is Xiaolongnü's mansion, the Zhongnan Tomb with super invincible mountain views. This is a more closed living environment. Let's not go into details about how Lin Chaoying was before. Just say that after Xiao Longnü and Yang Guo moved into the tomb, it seems that they never ate a serious meal. Their main meal was honey. But it's very strange, what kind of broken bees collect honey all year round. Even if the bees work overtime, the flowers being picked still want to rest for a few weekends. Let's assume for a moment that everyone can survive on honey alone, but after a few years, the accumulated large amount of sugar will make the two of them become two fat people, and have serious diabetes, high blood pressure, and more seriously, there is a risk of senile dementia at the age of twenty or so. Their side meal is the Cold Jade Bed. When hungry, lying on it, they will soon be full of energy, and all things grow. This ten-thousand-year Cold Jade Bed is probably produced by Hai* Company and can be guaranteed for ten years. And Xiaolongnü is their product image spokesperson, so a trial one is given first. According to the introduction in the early part of *The Return of the Condor Heroes*, when Xiao Longnü was a child, there was also a mother-in-law responsible for contacting the outside world. After the mother-in-law died, she and Yang Guo completely fell into a state of malnutrition.
The previous two examples are too closed. There is also an example of an open group. The issue of the living resources of the Huashan School in *The Smiling, Proud Wanderer* is also worthy of discussion. Overall, these birds are doing well. For example, on Sigu Cliff, Lu Dayou sends vegetables and meals every day, and the quality is guaranteed. Moreover, these people can occasionally have some small-bourgeois sentiments. For example,令狐冲 will be small-bourgeois and taste wine, and can distinguish how many times the grape wine is steamed and brewed. But the problem is where does the Huashan School's living expenses come from? I understand that Tian Boguang has big fish and big meat because he goes to kill and rob, getting rich through labor. But the Huashan School is a typical non-labor, only internal fighting, and every day after eating, they think about how to kill all the sword sect disciples. It's really hard to explain where their funds come from. How is the small-bourgeois capital achieved? It seems that the entire Huashan School should be imprisoned for the crime of unclear source of income.
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