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偷偷看,别笑出声啊 zz
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偷偷看,别笑出声啊 zz
上学一向不安分，大一时第一次上自学，偶坐在教室郁闷，随即跑到过道抽烟。
刚点着烟没一会，来了个PL女生，问寡人,“现在上自习呢!你怎么跑出来 了？“
我说，无聊出来抽烟，MM你是哪班的？怎么也跑出来了。
PLMM指着我们教室说，那个班的！
当时偶好激动的说，我们一个班的啊？怎么，你也郁闷吗？
她说：嗯，我们班一个新生上自习跑出去了，我出来找他。
偶笑笑，看来也还有坐不住的，你找他干啥，你又不是他妈！
MM:没办法啊，我是他班主任！
偶当时就蒙了……
一分钟后，憋出一句话：老师，你看着真年轻……
昨天去吃肯德基，排在我后面的像是一对儿情侣，眼看他们点了一大堆吃的，然后坐到我旁边。坐下后，那个女孩就开始埋头猛吃，好像饿了好几天的样子，而男孩则一根一根地啃着薯条，好像有什么心事。
突然，男孩放下薯条，往前凑了凑，很认真地问:“青青，我追你行吗？“
女孩头也不抬，直接说:“不行！“
男孩又问:“一点可能也没有吗？“
女孩干脆地说:“一点可能也没有！“
男孩愣住了，两眼直直地看着她，呆在那里……
当时，女孩一手拿着鸡腿，一手拿着汉堡，觉得男孩在看她，于是暂停大吃，然后用可怜的眼神看着那个男孩，小声说:“那……我还能吃吗？“
旁边包括我在内的人都笑出声来，那男孩很无奈，忙说:“吃吧，吃吧……“
这MM太可爱了......要是我不让追也一定要追......死命的追！！！！
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一兄弟上厕所，结果误入女厕，进去之后发现没有小便池，感觉不对，幸好女厕内没 有人。他便若无其事地走出来。正在开门的时候，遇到一mm进来，那mm和他打一照面，脸一红，头一低，转身钻男厕去了
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一天在公共汽车上人太多了，特别热，特别闷不知谁放了一个屁，这下是环境更加恶化。我朋友实在受不了，又不知道是谁，没办法。正好，售票员正在问：“谁没有买票？“我朋友忽生一计，大声说：“放屁的没买票！“忽然，一个特别胖的女人，手高高的举着票，大声说：“我已经买票了！“
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学里丢自行车情况特严重，新车眨眼就没，不过有时运气好，丢失的自行车隔几天又会冒出来。一日，同宿舍小静新买了一辆变速车，她逢人便炫耀说：“这车我上了最新式的锁！“第二天，小静上晚自习回，一副萎靡不振的样子，手里还捏了一张纸条，上面写着：别当这儿没高手，车我借走了，过几天还你！
不几日，那贼真的把车给还回来了，小静很是高兴，但她担心车被再次“借“走。遂买了十把大锁，把车子五花大绑地锁了个牢实，还给贼贴了张纸条：看你还怎么“借“！次日早晨小静下楼的时候，发现车上多了五把锁，锁上还有一张纸条：看你还怎么骑！
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孩子就是单纯......
初中时，一个男生想抄一个女生的作业，怕人家不同意，就趁她出教室后翻人家的书包,结果翻出来一个卫生巾，他惊讶的说：“哇！好大的一个创可贴啊！“
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这个事发生在本人中学的时候，时至今日，堪称一绝。
那是节英语课，老师叫我们用“How...“造句，当时有“How are you,How do you do,等初中学的日常用语，可问题就出在当大家集思广益想答案的时候，只听后排一位仁兄一句“How 优根~~~~~~~~~“（相信玩过’街霸’的朋友都知道啥意思）立刻全班男生笑倒，女生及老师莫名地看着眼前突如其的来一幕晕菜中~~~
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中学时一同学乔迁请大家到他家里吃饭。。很多很多菜。，饭桌上他老妈站起来很客 气地对大家说：“你们一定要吃饱喝足。不要客气，更不能浪费，现在搬新房了，反 正家里没养猪，倒掉很可惜的。“
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H君与朋友进入一家高档商场。进了店门后才走了两步，朋友忽见他在光滑的大理石地面上作滑冰状，甚感奇怪。问他，H君一边继续滑一边指着旁边的牌子，认真地说：“既然来了，就要遵守这儿的规矩。“那牌子上写着：“小心地滑“。
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某领导下乡普查，问一老农：你知道近亲为什么不能结婚吗？老农憨厚地笑答道：呵呵呵，呵呵呵，关系太熟不好下手。
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某大学新楼落成一雕塑：一位少女左手捧一本书，右手高擎一只象征和平的鸽子．该校外公开向各学生征集名称，结果许多人的标语不谋而合——读书顶个鸟用！
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一次文学考试中有这样一道题：
名词解释：莎翁（莎士比亚的尊称）
有个同学，他是这样作答的：莎翁，一种奇怪的鸟。
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上小学的时候，有篇课文叫?瀑布?的，中间说到作者转过一座山见到一条瀑布垂在山 间，我的一个女同学朗读的时候也是声情并茂的念：转过这座山，我惊呆了，一条破布挂在山上。全班同学都惊呆了。
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一兄得便秘，在厕所里久久不能如便，正在他极力努力的时候，看一哥们风一样的冲进厕所，进了他旁边的位置，刚进去就传来一真狂风暴雨，那兄羡慕的对那哥们说：哥们好羡慕你呀，
那哥们说：羡慕啥，裤子还没脱呢～～
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朋友生日,我带小儿子参加.酒饭过后大家去卡拉OK,小儿子自告奋勇要为主角唱歌.掌声四起.~我为叔叔演唱一首折寿.众哗然.我回头看屏幕:祈祷.
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刚买了房子，兴奋中给一哥们打电话：’我买房啦，不过就一毛房(忘说“坯“字了)还得装修。“哥们说：“就只有一厕所吗？那你住哪里啊？
Peek secretly, don't laugh out loud zz
I was always restless at school. In my first year of college, during the first self-study class, I was feeling depressed in the classroom and then ran to the aisle to smoke.
I just lit the cigarette when a pretty girl came. She asked me, "You're studying self-study now! Why did you run out?"
I said, I came out to smoke because I was bored. Which class are you from? Why did you run out too.
The pretty girl pointed at our classroom and said, that class!
I was very excited at that time and said, We're in the same class? Why, are you also depressed?
She said: Yeah, a new student in our class ran out during self-study, and I came out to find him.
I smiled and said, It seems there are still people who can't sit still. Why do you look for him? You're not his mom!
MM: There's no way. I'm his class teacher!
I was completely stunned at that time……
After a minute, I forced out a sentence: Teacher, you look really young……
Yesterday I went to KFC. There was a couple behind me in the queue. I saw they ordered a lot of food and then sat next to me. After sitting down, the girl started eating like crazy, as if she hadn't eaten for days, while the boy was nibbling on fries one by one, as if he had something on his mind.
Suddenly, the boy put down the fries, leaned forward, and asked earnestly: "Qingqing, can I pursue you?"
The girl didn't look up and directly said: "No!"
The boy asked again: "Is there no possibility at all?"
The girl干脆ly said: "No possibility at all!"
The boy was stunned, staring straight at her, staying there……
At that time, the girl was holding a chicken leg in one hand and a hamburger in the other. She felt the boy was looking at her, so she paused her big eating, then looked at the boy with a pitiful look and whispered: "Then…… can I still eat?"
People around, including me, laughed out loud. The boy was very helpless and quickly said: "Eat, eat……"
This MM is so cute...... If I'm not allowed to pursue, I must still pursue...... Chase hard!!!!
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A brother went to the toilet and accidentally entered the women's toilet. After entering, he found there were no urinals and felt something was wrong. Fortunately, there was no one in the women's toilet. He then walked out as if nothing had happened. Just when he was opening the door, he met a mm coming in. The mm and him glanced at each other, her face turned red, her head lowered, and she turned and got into the men's toilet.
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One day on the bus, there were too many people, it was very hot and stuffy. I don't know who let out a fart, and the environment got even worse. My friend really couldn't stand it and didn't know who did it, so there was no way. Just then, the conductor was asking: "Who hasn't bought a ticket?" My friend had an idea and loudly said: "The one who farted didn't buy a ticket!" Suddenly, a very fat woman raised her ticket high and loudly said: "I've bought the ticket!"
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Bicycle theft was very serious in the school. New bikes disappeared in a blink of an eye, but sometimes luck was good, and the stolen bicycles would appear again after a few days. One day, Xiao Jing from the same dormitory bought a new derailleur bike. She showed it off to everyone and said: "I put on the latest type of lock for this bike!" The next day, Xiao Jing came back from evening self-study, looking listless, and was holding a note in her hand. It said: Don't think there are no experts here, I borrowed the bike and will return it to you in a few days!
Not long after, the thief really returned the bike. Xiao Jing was very happy, but she was worried that the bike would be "borrowed" again. So she bought ten big locks and locked the bike tightly with五花大绑. She also put a note for the thief: See how you can "borrow" it again! The next morning, when Xiao Jing went downstairs, she found there were five more locks on the bike, and there was a note on the lock: See how you can ride it!
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Children are just innocent......
In junior high school, a boy wanted to copy a girl's homework. Afraid she wouldn't agree, he rummaged through her schoolbag after she left the classroom. As a result, he found a sanitary napkin and exclaimed in surprise: "Wow! What a big band-aid!"
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This happened when I was in middle school, and up to now, it's堪称一绝.
That was an English class. The teacher asked us to make sentences with "How...". At that time, there were daily expressions learned in junior high school like "How are you, How do you do, etc. But the problem was that when everyone was brainstorming for answers, I heard a classmate in the back row say "How 优根~~~~~~~~~" (I believe friends who have played 'Street Fighter' know what it means). Immediately, all the boys in the class laughed, and the girls and the teacher looked at this sudden scene in confusion and were dazed~~~
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In middle school, a classmate moved to a new house and invited everyone to his home for dinner. There were many, many dishes. At the dinner table, his mom stood up and politely said to everyone: "You must eat your fill and drink your fill. Don't be polite, and don't waste. Now that we've moved to a new house, anyway, there's no pig at home, it's a pity to throw it away."
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Mr. H and his friend entered a high-end shopping mall. After entering the door and walking only two steps, the friend suddenly saw him sliding on the smooth marble floor like ice skating and felt very strange. Asked him, Mr. H continued to slide while pointing at the sign next to him and said seriously: "Since we're here, we have to follow the rules here." The sign said: "Caution: Slippery Floor".
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A certain leader went to the countryside for a census and asked an old farmer: Do you know why close relatives shouldn't get married? The old farmer smiled honestly and replied: Hehehee, hehehee, it's hard to start because the relationship is too familiar.
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A new building in a certain university was completed with a sculpture: A girl holds a book in her left hand and a pigeon symbolizing peace in her right hand. The school publicly solicited names from all students. As a result, many people's slogans coincided——Reading is of no use at all!
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In a literature exam, there was such a question:
Term explanation: Shakespeare (the honorific title of Shakespeare)
There was a student who answered like this: Shakespeare, a strange bird.
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When I was in primary school, there was a text called "The Waterfall". It said that the author turned around a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in the mountain. One of my female classmates read it with emotion: Turned around this mountain, I was stunned, a piece of broken cloth hanging on the mountain. The whole class was stunned.
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A brother had constipation and couldn't have a bowel movement in the toilet for a long time. Just when he was trying hard, he saw a buddy rush into the toilet like the wind and enter the next stall. As soon as he entered, there came a real storm. The brother envied and said to the buddy: Dude, I really envy you.
The buddy said: Envy what, I haven't taken off my pants yet～～
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A friend's birthday, I took my little son to participate. After the meal, everyone went to KTV. The little son volunteered to sing for the protagonist. There was applause. ~~I sing a "shorten life" for the uncle. Everyone was in an uproar. I looked back at the screen: Pray.
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I just bought a house and was excited to call a buddy: 'I bought a house, but it's just a bare house (forgot to say "blank") and still needs decoration.' The buddy said: "Is there only one toilet? Then where will you live?"
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