中国DOS联盟

1. Ghost: God, next time I reincarnate, I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood.
　God: Then reincarnate as a sanitary napkin.

2. A friend was selling popsicles in the park for the first time during work-study, and was embarrassed to shout; at this time, suddenly someone shouted there: "Selling popsicles~~~~ Selling popsicles~~". The friend was very happy when he heard it, and followed and shouted: "Me too~~~~ Me too~~~~".

3. The ant and the elephant got married not long ago, and the elephant died soon. The ant was burying the elephant and crying: "Dear, why did you go so early, I won't do anything else in this life, just bury you!"

4. A boy had a crush on a girl and mustered up the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she liked. "Compatible" the girl answered, and the answer was the same after asking several times. The boy was discouraged and said: "Is a flat-headed one okay?"

5. One day, I was chasing the last bus out of breath, and while chasing, I shouted: Master! Master, wait for me~
　Suddenly a passenger stuck his head out of the window, and said to me in a leisurely manner: Wukong, don't chase anymore!

6. One day taking a biology exam, one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A certain student really didn't understand, and angrily tore up the paper and was about to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him: "Which class are you from, what's your name?" The student lifted his pants leg and said: "Guess, you guess."

7. After a beautiful Mongolian actress finished performing, the leader came on stage to meet her, shook her hand, asked about her well-being, and didn't want to let go for a long time, and asked cordially: "What's your name?" The actress replied excitedly: "Malgubi·Songshou"

8. A person bought a parrot that only said two words "Who is it". One day the owner was not at home, and someone changing gas came to knock on the door.
　Parrot: Who is it.
　Answer: Changing gas.
　Parrot: Who is it.
　Answer: Changing gas.
　　……
　The owner came home and there was a person lying at the door. The owner wondered: Who is this?
　Inside the door: Changing gas. "

9. A person saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down and smelled it, said it might be excrement, touched some with his hand and licked it in his mouth, said: "It's really excrement, fortunately I didn't step on it!~"

10．The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone, and the patient replied: I felt there was sand in my shoe, so I leaned against the electric pole to shake the shoe, I shook and shook... A person thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks.

11．A certain professor was teaching in the field: "Scientific research should not be afraid of being dirty...", then he squatted down, poked a piece of cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth to lick it clean. A student hurriedly said: "I'm not afraid of being dirty..." Then he also poked a piece of cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick it clean. The professor: "Also, be good at observing, I just used my middle finger to poke the dung, but I licked my index finger..

12．In a certain public toilet, A君 was constipated and couldn't pull it out for a long time. At this time, another man B君 rushed in, and as soon as he squatted down, he started pooping cracklingly. A君 heard it and said: "Dude, I really envy you, you poop so smoothly" B君 said: "What's there to envy, I haven't taken off my pants yet..."

13．A certain gentleman was practicing riding a bicycle, and a pedestrian came in front. The gentleman was panicked and shouted: "Stop! Stop!" The pedestrian was stunned and stopped in a hurry. But the gentleman's riding skills were too bad and he still knocked down the pedestrian. The pedestrian got up and was furious: "You still told me to stop! Are you aiming at me!"

14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother, and the little guy answered the phone. Out of politeness, I also wanted to chat with her. "Dear, where's mom?" "Went to Huaguo Mountain!" "......" "Dear, what are you doing now?" "Auntie, you're really funny, aren't I talking to you?!"

15．A car accident happened on the road - the turtle injured the snail. The police were investigating the cause of the accident and said to the snail: "How did the turtle hit you?" The snail with a plaster cast was still in shock and recalled: "I don't remember, it was too fast at that time!"

16．A polar bear was alone on the ice and was bored, so he started pulling his hair to play, one... two... three... Finally, he pulled all the hair out, and he suddenly shouted... It's so cold!………………

17．The daughter of a colleague is a little beauty. Her mother often asks her when she comes back from kindergarten: "Beauty, has anyone called you that today?" The little girl actually sighed: "I guess they've seen me too much, so they don't think I'm beautiful anymore."
　　
18．A couple failed in contraception and gave birth to a little boy. As soon as the child was born, he clenched his fist and kept laughing. The nurse opened his fist. He found a contraceptive pill, and then the little boy spoke: "You two wanted to kill me, it's not that easy, hahaha......"

19．Two men went to the mountains to play, and one of them accidentally fell off the cliff. The companion shouted anxiously: "Brother, how are you, are you okay?", only to hear the man who fell down answer: "I don't know, I'm still falling down~~~~~"

20．A man was riding a bicycle, not holding the handlebars, with his hands on his chest. A traffic police officer saw it and said: "Good hands!" The man replied: "Comrades, hello!"

21．Monkey asked fox, how to describe the fart that the elephant let out with a song? Fox said: Gu Juji's <I Really Want to> Ant heard and said: "Damn, I thought it was Dong Li Huoche's <When>."

22．Two brothers were chased by a tiger. The younger brother really couldn't run anymore, so he said: "Brother, let's not run, let's fight to the death with this beast." The elder brother said: "Don't talk nonsense, I can't run faster than it, I can just run faster than you."

23．Noodles were beaten by steamed buns, and went to ask his cousin instant noodles for revenge. Instant noodles saw a bean bun and beat it up, then came back and said to noodles: Don't worry, I beat out its shit.

24．A fashionable woman got on the bus, saw an empty seat and took out a tissue to wipe it vigorously. Just as she was about to sit, she let out a fart. A man next to her laughed: "I KAO, it's really clean, wipe it and still blow it."

25．Penguin was bored, so he thought of going to the North Pole to play with polar bear
　　Walk and walk, walked for many years, almost arrived, suddenly remembered that the gas at home was not turned off
　　So returned, walked and walked, walked for many years, turned off the gas, and set off again, walked and walked, walked for many more years
　　Finally arrived at the polar bear's door, knocked on the door:
　　——Polar bear! Come out and play!
　　Polar bear:
　　——Don't play.

26．In junior high school, a certain math teacher was talking about equation transformation, rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted loudly: Students, pay attention! I'm going to transform!……

27．A certain judge squinted, one day tried three criminal suspects A, B, and C,
　　　　The judge said to A: "Did you steal the thing??"
　　　　B answered: "No"
　　　　The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you."
　　　　C said: "I didn't say anything either."

28．On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess: "Give me a glass of water!" The pig heard it and said to the stewardess: "Give me a glass of water too!" The stewardess, after hearing it, threw the crow and the pig out of the plane together. The crow smiled and said to the pig: "Stupid, I can fly~~~~"

29．A rabbit entered a store and asked the boss: Do you have carrots for sale here?
The boss said: No.
After a while, the rabbit came again and asked: Do you have carrots for sale here?
The boss said impatiently: No!
After a while, the rabbit came again, and the boss finally couldn't bear it: If you come to make trouble again, I will cut your ears with scissors!
　　After a while, the rabbit came again: Do you have scissors for sale here?
The boss said: No.
The rabbit asked again: Do you have carrots for sale here……

30．The devil caught the princess　
　　　　　　The devil said: You can just scream as much as you want, no one will come to save you!
　　　　　　Princess: Scream, scream!
　　　　　　No one: Princess, I'm here to save you!
　　　　　　Devil: Speak of Cao Cao and Cao Cao arrives!
　　　　　　Cao Cao: Devil, what do you want me for?
　　　　　　Devil: Wow, I saw a ghost!
　　　　　　Ghost:靠! Discovered.
　　　　　　靠: Nonsense, who discovered me?
　　　　　　Who: None of my business!
　　　　　　Devil: oh,my god!
　　　　　　God: Who called me?!
　　　　　　Who: No one called you!
　　　　　　No one: I didn't!！！
　　　　　　It is said that the devil has been mentally ill ever since.

31．A king wanted to recruit a husband for his princess, and put an apple on the princess's head. Whoever shoots it can have the chance to marry the princess.
　　The first man shot the apple, and he said: "I'm Robin."
　　The second man also shot the apple, and he said: "I'm Hou Yi."
　　The third man accidentally shot the princess to death, and he said: " I'm sorry..."

32．A certain person was interning in a mental hospital. Suddenly a mentally ill patient chased him with a kitchen knife. This person turned around and ran, until he ran to a dead end. He thought it was over, and the patient said: Give you the knife, it's your turn to chase me.

33．The stewardess persuaded the passengers to fasten their seat belts: "The ones who didn't fasten their seat belts during the last emergency landing all fell to pieces."
　　Ask: "What about those who fastened their seat belts??"
　　Answer: "It's okay, they're all sitting well, just like the living."

34．A newly built sculpture in a certain school---a girl holding a book in her left hand and a white dove in her right hand. The school leader publicly called for the name of the sculpture among the students. For a while, replies came in one after another, and one of the most popular ones: Reading is of no use!

35．The sun called the grass
　　Sun: Hello, grass, are you there? I day.
　　Grass: I grass, who are you?
　　Sun: I day ah
　　Grass: I grass, who the hell are you
　　Sun: I day ah, you grass it
　　Grass: TMD, who the hell are you, I grass
　　Sun: I day, I day ah
　　Grass: I grass.
　　The sun's mother grabbed the phone: Grass, I day her mother, how is your mother?

36．A boyfriend and girlfriend went shopping together,
　　Girlfriend: Oh, my feet are so sore.
　　Boyfriend was very nervous: What's wrong? Did you step on a lemon?

37．Little bear asked little white rabbit: "Do you lose hair?" Little white rabbit said: "No." Little bear asked again: "Do you really lose hair?" Little white rabbit said: "Really no loss." So little bear used little white rabbit to wipe his butt.

38．Little white rabbit went to the bakery: Boss, do you have a hundred small buns? Boss: No.
The next day, the little white rabbit came again: Boss, do you have a hundred small buns? Boss: I'm sorry, no.
　　The third day, the little white rabbit walked in: Boss, do you have a hundred small buns? Boss: I'm really sorry, still no.
　　The fourth day, the little white rabbit jumped in: Boss, do you have a hundred small buns? Boss: Great! There are a hundred small buns today~!
　　Little white rabbit: Great! Give me two!

39．Father and son took the bus.
　　Son: Dad, when will we arrive?
　　Father: We'll arrive when we stop.
　　Son: When will it stop?
　　Father: It will stop when we arrive.

40. There was a person and a tiger tied to two big trees respectively. There was a candle under the rope tying the tiger, and it was about to burn the rope. If the rope was burned, the tiger would eat the person. He had an idea and said: "happy birthday!" The tiger blew out the candle.. So, the person wasn't eaten by the tiger.

41．　The wolf just broke up in love. When foraging, he passed by a small house and heard a man lecturing his child: "Cry again, I'll throw you out to feed the wolf!" The child cried all night in the house, and the wolf guarded outside all night. In the morning, the wolf choked up and said: "Men, men are all liars!!!"

42. The girl asked the boyfriend: "Which point of me do you really like?"
　The boyfriend was pestered and had no choice: "I I I I like you to be far away from me!"

43. On the first day, little white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing, and went home.
　　On the second day, little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, still caught nothing, and went home.
　　On the third day, little white rabbit just arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river, and shouted at little white rabbit:
　　You fucking dare to use carrot as bait again, I'll beat you to death!

44. A certain gentleman took a plane for the first time, was afraid, and didn't dare to open his eyes. After 15 minutes, he opened his eyes, looked out the window, and shouted: "Oh, it's really high, people are like ants!"
　　The neighbor said: "That's an ant, the plane hasn't taken off yet!"

45. The girlfriend texted me: "Let's break up!"
　After a while, I received again: "I'm sorry, sent by mistake!!"

46. Sanmao went to the hair salon to have his hair done, and said to the hairdresser: Give me a braid. The hairdresser accidentally dropped one of Sanmao's hairs. Sanmao sighed and said: Then let's have a middle part. But the hairdresser accidentally dropped another one. Sanmao got angry: You丫 want me to have messy hair?

47. Once upon a time there was a soft candy, walked on the street for a long time, and suddenly said: My feet are so soft oh

48. Man: Do you like me?
　　Woman: You guess.
　　Man: Like!
　　Woman: You guess again.

49. A certain mental patient was writing something, and the doctor asked: 'What are you writing?'
　　'Writing a letter.'
　　'Who are you writing to?'
　　'Me.'
　　'What are you writing?'
　　'Idiot, how do I know before I receive it!?'

50. One night, a naked man hailed a taxi, and the female driver stared at him without looking away. The naked man was furious and shouted: You fucking haven't seen a naked man yet! The female driver was also furious: I see you fucking how to get money from!

51. A boyfriend and girlfriend slept in the same room. The woman drew a line: Those who cross the line are beasts. When she woke up, she found that the man really didn't cross the line. The woman gave the man a hard slap: You are not even as good as a beast!

52. One day Liu Hongtao met a foreigner and approached to strike up a conversation: I am Hong TaoLiu, the foreigner said: I am still a diamond seven!

53. Zai Zai was repaired by his father, he ran to his mother to complain: "Mom, what would you do if someone hit your son?" Mom: "I would hit his son for revenge!" Zai Zai: "……"

54. An old lady was illiterate but liked to listen to the radio, and the weather forecast was listened to every day. One day while eating, she asked her family: "I have a question to ask, do you know where the local area is? It rains almost every day there."

55. A little mouse on the cliff waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly. The mother bat next to her watched it fall with a bruised head and bloodied face, and worriedly said: His father, why don't you tell it that it's not our own!

56. Went to the top of Mount Tai with a friend to see the sunrise. A friend pointed at the sky and said: "I saw it!" "I saw it too!" At this time, someone in the distance came out with his pants on and cursed: "If you saw it, you saw it! Why are you yelling!"

57. Topic: One side...... One side......
　　 Child: He took off his clothes while putting on his pants.
　　 Teacher's comment: Does he really want to take it off? Or put it on?
　Topic: Among them
　　 Child: One of my left feet is injured.
　　 Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?
　Topic: In dribs and drabs
　　 Child: After get off work, Dad came home in dribs and drabs.
　　 Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have actually?
　Topic: Sad
　　 Child: There is a ditch in front of my house that is very sad.
　　 Teacher's comment: The teacher is more sad
　Topic: Again and again
　　 Child: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin again.
　　 Teacher's comment: Is your mother a Transformer?
　Topic: You look
　　 Child: What are you looking at! Haven't you seen it?
　　 Teacher's comment: Don't be too arrogant
　Topic: Thriving
　　 Child wrote: Thriving confession.
　　 Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many TV series!
　Topic : Delicious
　　 Child wrote: Delicious fart.
　　 Teacher:.........
　Topic: Innocent
　　 Child wrote: It's really hot today.
　　 Teacher's comment: You are really innocent
　Topic: Sure enough
　　 Child said: Yesterday I ate fruit. Then drank cold water
　　 Teacher's comment: It's a phrase, can't be separated
　Topic: First...... Then...... Example: Eat first, then take a bath.
　　 Child: Sir, goodbye!
　　 Teacher's comment:.................
　Topic: Moreover
　　 Child: A train passed by, moreover moreover moreover moreover
　　 Teacher's comment: I might as well die

What the elder brother posted is really classic, and I still give a thumbs up

Originally posted by 523066680 at 2010-3-2 11:59 AM:
The things you posted are really classic, still give a thumbs up

Thanks, brother EXIST, for your love :lol:

Wow, it seems like it's close to the gold medal...

Upstairs, so care about the title~~~

Mine is still before the 20th century~~~

Haha, very interesting, I read for a long time before finishing reading!

Haha, I've read it several times, but every time I read it, I still want to laugh... Not bad, give it a thumbs up